


Together Forever

by ryuvamp



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Depression, Flashbacks, How Do I Tag, Kang Yeosang-centric, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Panic Attacks, Rape/Non-con Elements, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:01:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 36,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25948510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryuvamp/pseuds/ryuvamp
Summary: "If I catched up to you after the count of five then I'm going to kill you and after that I'm going to kill myself so we can be together forever just like what we've promised."
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Kim Hongjoong, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Choi San/Kang Yeosang, Jeong Yunho/Song Mingi, Jung Wooyoung/Kang Yeosang, Kang Yeosang/Everyone, Kang Yeosang/Kim Hongjoong, Kang Yeosang/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 1
Kudos: 95





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is the first ever story that i will publish so if it is not that good then i'm sorry. i have written lots of stories before but uhm, drafts exist so they will just stay there because i'm so freakin anxious. but yeah, i decided that i will give this a shot, maybe people would find this good🥺

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// attempted rape, implied violence

_It was a dark rainy night. The loud pouring of rain along with the cries of help coming from a young man was heard over the glass windows of a_ _house._

_**"Yeonjun hyung, no! Please let me go! I don't want this!"** _

**_"Shh. This will just be a one time thing Yeosang. I promise you, Seonghwa will never know about this."_ **

_Yeosang was laying on his bed inside his room. With Yeonjun, his boyfriend's friend, on top of him. The said man was firmly pinning his hands above his head while he kisses his neck. Yeosang have been shouting for help for almost half an hour already. But to his dismay, not even a single help came. Eventually he got tired of crying so he just let the man on top him do whatever he wants with his body. Because no matter how hard he tried to squirm and fight back, he cannot win against a man who is totally two times stronger than he is._

_"So this is my fate now huh?"_ _Yeosang_ _asked himself._

**_"Merry Christmas Kang Yeosang."_ ** _A voice was heard on the doorway, followed by a sound of something falling and breaking._

**_"_ _CHOI_ _YEONJUN_ _!"_ ** _The said man on top of him immediately stopped what he was doing. And it seems like he was frozen on the spot._

_**"What the fuck are you doing!?"**_ _The voice seemed to be more louder, more clearer and more closer to where they are until Yeosang finally recognized the owner of the voice that is raging with anger._

_**"I fucking told you to look after him. What the fuck is this!?"** Yeonjun_ _was now in front of him_ _, his legs trembling in fear._

_**"S-Seonghwa it's not what you think!"** Yeonjun_ _stuttered._

_**"Fucking hell Yeonjun! I saw you on top of MY boyfriend. And now you're telling me that it's not what I think you're doing!? Do you think I'm fucking stupid!? Huh!?"** Yeonjun_ _was thrown against the wall with_ _Seonghwa_ _strangling him immediately._

_Yeosang_ _can't help but to feel nervous and scared. Because he knew very well how powerful Seonghwa is. And he also knew that he can do anything he wants, whenever he wants it._

_**"Seonghwa I can explain! Please, give me a chance to explain myself!"** Yeonjun _ _pleaded. But Seonghwa was out of control. He continued what he was doing and only stopped when he saw the_ _man's lips in front of him turn purple because of the lack of oxygen_

**_"Seonghwa I did not want this! He threatened me that if I would not do what he wants then he will make up stories for you to fire me. I cannot risk my job Seonghwa! I need this! I have a child to feed and you know that! I just needed to pay for my debts that's why I did what I needed to do. I'm sorry Seonghwa."_ ** _Seonghwa's_ _world turned upside down from every word that came out of_ _Yeonjun's_ _mouth. It felt like his heart was being stabbed hundred of times. So the moment that he lost his grip on_ _Yeonjun's_ _collar, the man immediately run towards the door but was stopped halfway._

**_"Yeonjun, give me your gun."_ **

**_"Seonghwa?"_ **

**_"I said give me your fucking gun"_ ** _Yeonjun_ _did_ _what he was told, once Seonghwa got a hold of his gun he ordered Yeonjun to leave. Now, it's only Yeosang and Seonghwa who's inside the room. The atmosphere inside was quite heavy. Yeosang not move. He's now as_ _stiff_ _as a statue._

_**"Yeosang."** _ _Seonghwa called. But fear took over Yeosang's senses so he cannot find the right words to say nor the right time to speak. He felt ashamed, scared and broken all at once._

_**"Look at me."** _ _It's not like Yeosang doesn't want to look at Seonghwa. In fact, that is what Yeosang always wants to do in this lifetime. To be able to look at Seonghwa and no one else but Seonghwa. However, at this point, he can't even look at his figure because of fear._

_**"I said fucking look at me Yeosang!"** _ _Seonghwa_ _shouted. Yeosang wasn't scared. He was afraid. So he quickly looked at the man who is crouching in front of him. Because he knows Seonghwa has a really bad temper and if he disobey, then he will get into more trouble._

_**"Care to explain what I just saw?"** _ _The way Seonghwa spoke with full authority sends shivers down to Yeosang's spine. He wanted to speak. He wanted to defend himself. He wanted to tell Seonghwa that everything that Yeonjun said was wrong. He wanted to tell Seonghwa that Yeonjun was the one who forced him and not the other way around. But in this kind of situation where he felt so small, so little in front of Seonghwa, made him think otherwise. Not that he can defend himself in front of Seonghwa when he's so close to his breaking point though. Because now that Seonghwa is raging with anger and hatred, he is sure that he is so close to harming him or worst, Seonghwa could kill him. And he can't have that happening. So Yeosang decided not to speak and just let Seonghwa decide what he would do with him. Because Seonghwa is in charge, Seonghwa owns him._

_**"Fucking hell Yeosang! You're making me lose my patience! You're making me lose my sanity! Speak! Fucking speak!"** _ _After seconds of waiting for an answer, Seonghwa got impatient._

_He held Yeosang's chin with one hand while he pointed a gun to Yeosang's temple with the other. Yeosang's body tensed. He is frozen on the spot. One wrong move from the both of them can be the cause of his death in a_ _millisecond_ _._

_**"Speak."** _

_**"I-I..."** _

_**"Fucking explain Yeosang! Fucking explain why you are fucking with my** _ _**friend** _ _**behind my back!"** _

_**"I-It's not what you think Hwa! It was all a misunderstanding-"** _

_**"Bullshit! How can it be a misunderstanding when both of you were naked except for your** _ _**underwear** _ _**and he was on top of you!? Who knows what you would do if I did not enter this room!? Or God knows how many times you guys did it while I was gone! Are you that needy!?"** _

_**"I did not wanted it! Seonghwa he was the one who forced me! He was the one who harassed me! If I wanted it then shouldn't I be the one on top of him and not the other way around!? Why do you always look down on** _ _**me** _ _**Seonghwa!? Why!? Do you really think of me that way!? I did not wanted it! I was the victim Seonghwa! I was the victim!"** _ _A slap was given to Yeosang after his said explanation. He was shocked. Seonghwa never hurt him. This was a first. So now, Yeosang is a hundred times scared for his life._

_**"Stop making up stories! Yeonjun is engaged! He is engaged to a girl and you know that! He is straight! He would never do that on his own will! I know how fucking slutty you can be Yeosang! Stop with your excuses because your excuses doesn't make any sense! If you did not wanted that then why weren't you shouting for help!? Why are you just laying there, letting him do whatever the hell he wants to do to your body!? Why weren't you fighting back Yeosang!? Or do you secretly enjoy what he was doing!? Make it makes sense Yeosang! Stop making me look dumb!"** _

_**"I tried shouting for help but not even a single help came Seonghwa! I got tired! My voice was not okay! I cannot fight back because he has a gun Seonghwa! He has a gun!"** _

_**"You can simply snatch it away from him because from what I saw, he was not even using his gun against you! For fucks sake Yeosang! You're a man! You're a fucking man! You can fight back whenever you want!"** _

_**"Why do you believe on what others says but not me!? I'm your boyfriend Seonghwa! I should be the first one that you believe in! I really did not wanted it Hwa, you're the only one that I love. I can't do anything like that to you."** _

_**"Too late Yeosang. I already saw what you did. And you did me wrong. You made me look like a fool! I was only gone for two days! two fucking days Yeosang! And me leaving, was for our future! For our own good! I went on a trip with my Dad to convince him that I don't wanna get married to a girl that I haven't even meet. I fucking man up to tell him that I already have someone in my heart Yeosang! And I came back to finally let you meet him. To finally let you meet my family. But I never knew that I would came home to THIS! I came back to face the betrayal that you put me in! Do you know how much it hurts when I saw you laying there, with a man on top of you. It felt like I was being stabbed in the heart. Didn't I told you that you are mine!? You were the one who started this! You were the one who approached me first! You were the one who did everything to make me fall in love with you! And now this is what you would do to me!? If you don't want me anymore, well I'm sorry because I won't let you go. You are mine Yeosang! Only mine! And if I can't have you, then no one else can!"** _ _Seonghwa stood up and pointed the gun that he was holding, on Yeosang's chest. He was crying, his facial expression clearly showed that he was hurt. And his expression also shows that he was so sure of what he wants to do at this point, and that is to kill_ _Yeosang_ _._

_**"Seonghwa! No! Please!"** _ _Yeosang's pleading was not heard. Seonghwa already pulles the trigger but somehow Yeosang managed to avoid it slightly so the bullet only hit his arm. The moment he felt the bullet hit, his knees gave up and he fell to the floor, bleeding._

_Seonghwa_ _walked closer to where he is, still holding the gun as he move._ _He was visibly shaking._

_He couldn't believe what he just did. He shot him. He made him bleed. The love of his life is bleeding in front of him and it's his fault. He crouched down next to Yeosang, placing his free hand on the back of his head. Yeosang's body tensed and he looked up._

_Something stirred inside of Seonghwa when his eyes met with Yeosang's scared ones._

**_"H-hyung. Please don't. I- I don't want to die. Please hyung."_ ** _Yeosang shakily said._

**_"I'm going to do you a favor. I'm going to let you go. In a count of five you are going to run as fast as you can. I don't care where you will go and hide. But I want you to be smart_ ** **_Yeosang_ ** **_. If you somehow manage to go away as far as you can after I reach five then you can go back to your family. I won't bother you for the next five years. But after that I will do everything on my power to find you and make you mine again. So I suggest that you should go far away as you can from here and maybe leave Korea so you can be safe forever."_ **

**_"B-But w-what if you catch me after the count of five?"_ **

_**"If I catched up to you after the count of five then I'm going to kill you and after that I'm going to kill myself so we can be together forever just like what we've promised."** _


	2. Chapter 2

“....hyung! Hyung! Yeosang hyung! Wake up! Hyung!” Yeosang woke up with someone shaking him along with the shouts that is literally directed on his ears in an attempt to wake him up from the bad dream that he is having.

 ** _“_** Why are you shouting so early in the morning?” He asked with a hoarse voice as if he had been shouting for hours and hours.

 _“_ You have been crying and shouting for help again hyung, are your nightmares coming back? _”_ The boy asked. Yeosang sat back against the headboard of his bed, looking over the person that is sitting beside him, face clearly showing that he is worried.

 _“_ I'm okay Mingi. You don't have to worry about me. _”_ Yeosang stated with a small smile present on his lips.

 _“_ No hyung. You're clearly not okay. You've been shouting for help and you look as if you are suffocating. It took me almost 5 minutes to wake you up! I was so worried hyung! I-I don't want to lose you to. _”_ Mingi said, his voice cracking as he let his tears flow. Yeosang immediately hugged him. He felt guilty for making him worry. He never wanted Mingi to know that he is having some flashbacks again whenever he sleeps. Because then, this will happen. Mingi will breakdown because of worry. And he hates seeing Mingi in this state. He hates seeing him cry. He hates seeing Mingi so small, so vulnerable. But most of all, he hates himself for being the cause of Mingi's tears.

 _“_ Shh. Don't cry. You won't lose me. I promise you, I will be with you for as long as the all mighty God let us. _”_ He said, his hand made its way to Mingi's chin, gripping it softly to slowly lift Mingi's head so he can look at him.

 _“_ I'm sorry for making you worried. But I assure you that I am okay. That was just a bad dream, I promise. You know how I like to watch horror movies before sleeping, right? Maybe that's where I got that dream. _”_ He explained. Mingi pouts, tears slowly falling down his cheeks again.

 _“_ What's the matter? _”_ Yeosang asked while his hands moves to wipe the tears from Mingi's tear-stained cheeks.

 _“_ I-I'm just worried about you hyung. Y-You always say that you're okay even when you're not and it scares me. It scares me that you always act as if nothing bothers you. Even though your face clearly show discomfort specially when you sleep. Y-You keep on shouting for help hyung! You keep on gasping for breath! You keep on saying that you don't want _them_ near you. You keep on crying and saying sorry. Hyung, I don't want to see you hurting. You're the only one that I have, I can't afford to lose you too! All I want is for you to be okay. H-Hyung, you know you can tell me everything. I am willing to help you. _”_ Mingi's voice was shaking as he explained what he is feeling. He just wants to see Yeosang's genuine self again. Ever since Yeosang came back to him, he felt as if he was with a different person. The Yeosang before him is not the same Yeosang as what he used to. The Yeosang before him looks so broken. And Mingi felt so bad to see him like this. He felt so bad to see him act as if he is okay, as if nothing bad has been going on his mind. He almost wants to believe that nothing is wrong, that he is just being over protective towards Yeosang. But no, Mingi knows him. He knows him more than anyone else. And he knows that his gut feeling is right. This is not the same Yeosang that he grew up with. From the way he kept on smiling and being _happy_ whenever he is with Mingi, to the way he kept on avoiding Mingi's concern by giving him the best smiles that he could muster _doesn't feel right._

When Mingi was done with his explanation, he look up to see a smiling Yeosang. His eyes were watery as he placed a kiss on top of Mingi's head.

 _“_ Thank you for worrying about me. And I'm sorry that you have to see me in that state. Its just that there have been a lot of things that is going on lately. Law school sucks, I hardly get enough sleep and I'm pretty sure both my body and mind are overwhelmed. But I assure you that I'm okay and that you don't have to worry about me leaving because I won't. I will never leave you. You're the most precious thing for me and I can't afford to lose you too. So please, stop crying now and start preparing for school, you're gonna be late. _”_ After hearing the reassuring words, Mingi snuggles closer to Yeosang's chest in an attempt to make himself smaller. Yeosang chuckled at his behavior and hugged him tighter.

He loves mornings like this specially if he gets to hold the only person that keeps him strong in his arms.

 _“_ Okay that's enough. We can cuddle later. Go and shower quickly or I won't drive you to school. _”_ The taller nodded and made his way to the bathroom.

_“I hate seeing you cry Mingi, I'll take care of myself from now on and I promise that I'll never make you worry again.”_


	3. Chapter 3

“Please be good in class and pay attention to the lessons. Don't get into trouble and take care of yourself, okay?” Yeosang said when they arrived at Mingi's school. The younger quickly put a hand on his mouth to prevent him from talking more. 

“Okay hyung, I get it. You always tell me the same thing every damn day.” The younger stated and rolled his eyes at him.

“First of all, watch your language. You do not talk to me like that.”

“I'm sorry.” Mingi said, his eyes fixed on his lap. Yeosang sighs and let his hands rest on Mingi's shoulder, making the younger face him. 

“I just want you to be safe Mingi. I don't want you to ever get hurt again. And I also want you to learn. I want to stop you from skipping your classes again. I'm just afraid that you would forget all of that if I don't remind you every single day.” Mingi pouts at the older's words, placing a hand over his chest while dramatically sighing and acting as if he was deeply offended. 

“Hyung, the skipping thing was _years_ ago. I already promised you that I won't do it again. I felt so guilty back then and you know that I mean it. Specially when I found out that it was you who is working so hard to provide all of my educational needs. You know I want to repay you someday, hyung. I want to be able to give you everything you want.” Yeosang chuckled at how adorable the younger is. He knows Mingi meant everything that he has said. But he just can't help but worry about the younger's performance at school.

He only wants what's best for Mingi. That is why he is pushing his self too much to give the younger everything that he deserves. He wants Mingi to be happy and to live his life without worries even if he have to _sacrifice_ a lot for him. And applying to a part time job at a cafe while he is in law school just happened to be one of those _sacrifices_. But he is more than happy to do it. He'd rather let himself be exhausted everyday than to see Mingi sad because he couldn't take the course that he has always wanted. 

“Hello? Earth to hyung? Earth to Yeosang hyung!” Mingi shouts which made Yeosang snapped out of his thoughts.

“What?”

“I said I'm going now hyung. Uhm, Are you really okay? You seemed so...off. Are you sure you can go to school at that state? You won't be able to focus on your lessons if you keep on daydreaming about something that I am sure is _not_ good. So I suggest that you should just go home and skip class for today.” Mingi said, the worried look from earlier is present while he stares at Yeosang. The other just pat his hair which made the younger glare at him.

“Hyung, I just did my hair!” Mingi huffed.

“But hyung, I'm being serious here. You should just skip for today. You need some rest. One day won't hurt, right?” Mingi suggested but Yeosang just gave him a sad smile.

“As much as I would want to skip class, I can't. You know I'm in law school, baby. Every second matters. And also, I need to go to the cafe later. I can't lose my job.” Mingi sighs, accepting his defeat.

“I just want you to have a good rest, hyung.”

“Mingi, weekends exist for a reason.”

“I know weekends exist but you still need a break on weekdays specially if you look like...THAT” Mingi insisted.

“Look like what?” Yeosang asked, confused.

“tired and ugly.” Mingi stated and quickly got out of the car making his way towards the school's gate. 

“Come back here you giant adorable bean.” Yeosang calls out.

“I'll see you at home hyung! Bye!” With that, Mingi runs inside his school, quickly disappearing from his view. Yeosang took his leave, clearly aware that he is running late. 

The drive to his school was exhausting, simply because it's half an hour away from Mingi's school. 

Yeosang felt anxious as time passes by. He felt as if he is suffocating. _Maybe Mingi was right._ Maybe he should just stay home and rest. But if he does, then he'll skip a whole important topic in his class. He can't have that happening. Law school is already hard for him. And skipping a class even for just a day would make everything worse. 

“Fuck! Why is this happening to me!? Why is it coming back!? It hasn't even been a year since those dreams stopped. Why is it coming back!? What did I do this time!? _five years!_ He said he'll find me after five years! It has only been _two years_ since that happened! But why is it coming back! Why can't those dreams leave me!? I want it to stop! I want _everything_ to stop!” Yeosang shouted, letting frustrated tears flow out of his eyes. Furiously slamming his car's horn. 

A knock on his car's window made him go back to his senses. He quickly brushed away his tears and rolled down his car window. 

“Are you okay sir? You have been pushing your car's horn for awhile now. But I don't see anyone in front of your vehicle. Plus, you are causing a traffic.” The stranger said.

“I-I'm sorry. I'll move now. Thanks for the concern, I guess. But, I'm okay.” He then took his leave after smiling to the stranger, assuring him that he was fine. _But was he really?_

After what seems like forever, he finally arrived at his school. He lets out a shaky breath before parking his car.

_“Alright, let's get this day over with.”_


	4. Chapter 4

Yeosang feels so sick. He feels so exhausted that he cant even bring himself to understand what his teacher is saying. His head hurts so much and his body feels _worse_. He feels so sore and _weak_. At this point, his body wants to do nothing but to lay in bed. The problem is, it has only been half a day. His final class would be over in two hours, plus he has a work to do after his dismissal. So all Yeosang can do is sigh and pray that his body wouldn't collapse. He needs to pay attention to the lesson, just like what he told Mingi earlier. He needs to type in all the important details from their discussion, but he can't. His mind was too hazy to even control his movements so he just blankly stares at his teacher, pretending to listen to whatever he is saying.

He didn't even realize that his name was being called until he feels someone tap his shoulder (and told him that the teacher was calling his name).

“Mr. Kang, I've been calling your name for the fourth time but you're just staring at me as if I'm not making any sense. Do you not know the answer or are you feeling sick? You seemed so lost in your thoughts. Is there something bothering you?” The teacher asked.

"No sir, I-I'm fine. Just tired, I guess.” He shrugged.

“Are you sure Mr. Kang? I know law school is hard and missing a class would be a big burden for all of you but you should remember that your health and feelings matters the most. You _can't_ be a lawyer if your overall health is going down the hill, you know?” The teacher stated, a worried look plastered on his face.

Yeosang sighs for what seems like the 10th time that day. Maybe he should just call it a day. The earlier he leaves school, the earlier he could go to his work and maybe get a raise.

“Actually, can I go home early? I'm so exhausted and I can't focus on anything. If that's okay with you, sir?” He asked, in which the teacher immediately nodded.

•••••••••••••••••••••••

  
And that's what he did. He left school and went straight to the cafe where he works at. It's not even close to his shift yet. It's only 2 o'clock in the afternoon, his shift is at 5. But maybe he could convince the manager to let him do his job early so he could go home immediately and rest. And maybe get this shitty day over with.

“Oh Yeosang, you came just right on time.” The manager said when he entered the cafe.

“What do you mean?” He confusedly asked the man.

“Jimin won't come today. He called me earlier saying that his mother was rushed to the hospital. So, can you please take over his shift?” The manager said, putting on the best puppy eyes he could muster. Yeosang immediately nodded while the man smiled at him.

“Of course. Actually, that was really the reason I came here earlier than I should.” The man's smile disappeared as he looks at Yeosang.

“What do you mean? Did something happened?” Yeosang looked at him and gave a reassuring smile.

“I'm fine Jin hyung. Law school is just exhausting and I want to go home early to rest. I know it sounds so silly considering that today is only the first day of the week but yeah, school really sucks.” Yeosang blurted out. Jin doesn't believe him. He just stands there and looks at Yeosang with the same _worried_ expression that he saw from Mingi or the stranger he met earlier and even his teacher. And he _doesn't_ like it in any way. In fact, he _hates_ it. He hates it so much. He hates it when people look at him with pity. It makes him feel so small, but it also makes him feel mad because he thinks people looks down at him and he feels so utterly _vulnerable_.

“I'm really fine hyung. There's no need to look so worried.”

“Fine. Just promise me that you will inform me if you don't feel good, okay?” Yeosang nodded and made his way to the counter.

_‘I'm okay. I'll be okay.’_

••••••••••••••••••••••

Time seems to pass by slowly, much to Yeosang's dismay. He just wants to get off work and go home and take the rest that he needed.

  
So when his shift finally ended, he wasted no time and went out of the cafe without saying goodbye. He ran towards the parking lot, to the place where he parked his car, which is strangely empty. He was so confused. His head is pounding and his vision seems to be more blurry. He felt as if the world is spinning around him. He pushed the sick feeling away and proceeded to look for his car until he felt his chest tighten. He can't breathe. He was going to pass out, in a parking lot, with his car still nowhere in sight.

He felt so sick so he wasted no time to pull his phone out of his pocket. He quickly dialed a number, not really caring who will answer. He just wants to find his car so he can go home and rest.

‘ _Hello Yeosang?’_ the person from the other line spoke.

‘ _Mingi, why aren't you calling me 'hyung'? That's so rude.’_ He said, his voice slurred.

‘ _Yeosang what are you talking about? This is Hongjoong. What happened to you? Are you drunk?’_

_‘Oh, Hongjoong hyung. Can you please pick me up at the parking lot near the cafe I work at? I can't find my car and I feel so sick. I think I'm gonna pass out. Please hurry up.’_

_‘Okay, stay where you are. I'm on my way.’_

Time pass by with a blur for Yeosang until finally, after what seems like eternity of waiting, he saw a familiar figure approaching him just in time as he felt his system shutdown. His knees gave up and he fell to the ground, darkness enveloping his vision.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// implied rape, mentions of panic attack

**_“Hyung, what is this?” I-I don't want this. Please hyung, please don't do this to me.”_** _Yeosang pleaded. He was inside a room, a friend's room. His back against the wall as he tried his hardest to keep himself away from five sets of eyes that is currently burning holes on his clothes._

 **_“Hyung, please don't! Please hyung, I'll do anything but this. Please, please, please let me go!”_ ** _He begged and begged and begged. But none of it seems to work. They just stare at him with lustful eyes. As if they want to devour him whole. One of the men (his friend) walked towards his direction._

 **_“You should've been clear with your words before, Sangie. You told me you'd do anything in return if I help you raise your precious Mingi. And that's exactly what I have been doing for the past few months, right? Don't you think it's about time for you to pay me back?”_ ** _His friend whispered. He was so awfully close to Yeosang, it makes his stomach flip. He wants to cry so he closed his eyes in an attempt to hold it in. His head hurts. Everything hurts. He feels so small, so humiliated. He wants to hide himself. He wants the world to stop. He wants his own heartbeat to stop. He doesn't want to believe that any of this is real._

_His eyes shot open when he hears laughing. He almost forgot that there are four other people in the room, excluding the one in front of him who are probably watching him as he trembles in front of them. He feels so dirty, so disgustingly exposed._

**_“Oh_ ** _**come on, Sangie! Think** _ **_about Mingi. You don't want him to experience living on the streets and not being able to eat at least three times a day, right?”_ ** _Yeosang gulped. His friend was right. He never wants Mingi to experience that, ever. He wants Mingi to live a luxurious life that Yeosang himself can't give. He wants Mingi to live the best life he could ever dream of. He wants what's best for Mingi._

 **_“I-I don't.”_ ** _He shakily replied._

**_“Exactly. So just be a good boy and listen to me. You need to obey us babe. All you have to do is lay on the bed without putting on a fight. We're not gonna hurt you. In fact, we're gonna give you a good time. So just do as I say. The more you cooperate, the faster this will end. Got it?”_ **

_‘Just think about Mingi.’_

_“_ **_Yes_ ** _.”_

••••••••••••••••••••

_Two hours passed by with a blur. Yeosang is still laying limp on his friend's bed, letting five boys take their turns on using his body as they please. He doesn't even make a sound. Not even a sound of breathing. He just lays there, motionless. He can't feel anything at this point. His body must've been so used to the pain because he cant feel_ _anything_ _but numbness and disgust. He feels so gross, of course he would. Because who wouldn't feel dirty if they have five sets of hands touching their body all at once?_

  
_After they finished their dirty act, they looked at him and laughed. They kept on calling him names. Whore, slut, bitch. Telling him that he should always be ready because it's is not gonna be a one-time-thing. When they felt that Yeosang had enough of the degrading words that they threw at him, they just left._

**_“Don't worry Yeosang. You did the right thing. Mingi will live his life without any worries as long as I am alive.”_ ** _His friend whispered. He tilted his head to look at the man beside him._

 **_“S-San hyung, why? Why did you do that to me? W-Why? Y-You said you will protect me! Y-You said you'll never do anything that would hurt me! B-But why?”_ ** _He sobbed. San pulled him for a hug and placed Yeosang's head on his chest._

“ ** _I don't know Sangie. I honestly don't know... I don't know what came over me. I don't know why I did that. Maybe... maybe it was the drink that they gave me earlier. Maybe they put something there. Because I was confused! I don't even know why I told you to not worry anymore after doing that to you... I just don't know Yeosang! I was not on the right mind! You don't deserve any of that... I'm sorry... I-I promise you I won't do it again... I'll protect you! I'll respect your personal space! I'll understand if you never want to see me anymore but I will still keep my promise... I will still help you raise Mingi even though you don't want to see me anymore. I can leave if you want. But I also want you to know that you can always hit me up if there is a problem. I will do anything you want just to prove that I am really sorry! I never intended to hurt you Yeosang... You're so precious to me. I'm sorry... I will leave if you say so, just tell me what you want.”_** _San said. Yeosang felt his heart clenched._ ** _‘You're so precious to me’_** _, Was it real? was it really what San feels? Does he really means_ ** _that_** _much to San? Maybe he does._ ** _Maybe San really thinks he's precious._** _He won't be helping him raise Mingi if he doesn't, right? San should've kick him out when he told him about what happened with him and Seonghwa if he's not special to him, right? Maybe, it's right._ ** _Maybe San thinks he's precious._** _Maybe San really thinks he doesn't deserve all of that._ ** _Maybe San will really protect him from now on._** _Maybe he will._

 **_“Please just hug me. I don't want you to go, I don't want to be alone.”_ ** _He said, snuggling closer to San's chest. He felt San placed a kiss on top of his head and he closed his eyes. Everything feels so wrong but he feels oddly safe wrapped around the arms of one of his abuser._

_‘I'm sorry, Mingi. I'm dirty.’_

_‘I am disgusting.’_

_‘I don't even know how would you react if you would know about this, I'm sorry’_

_‘I did it for you, I know it's not right but I did it for you. I'll do anything for you.’_

_‘I'm sorry Mingi, I'm so sorry.’_

••••••••••••••••••••

Yeosang woke up from another bad dream. His head is still pounding but his body feels better. He feels so well rested. He lets his eyes wander around the room he was in. It feels _so_ familiar. So _awfully_ familiar.

“No! This can't be! I-I'm hallucinating! This is not real! This is not real! Why am I in here!? What is happening!? I don't want this! Please make it stop! Please make it stop!” He yelled. He feels so _trapped_ inside the _spacious_ room. His body and mind is on the verge of breaking down. He feels so suffocated. His heart is beating so loudly, body is shaking in panic and lips trembling in fear as fresh wave of tears escape his eyes. His head is pounding so hard, so hard that he thinks it's gonna break. He wants to get out of the room. He wants to break free.

“Hyung! What happened!? Hyung!?” A voice yelled from outside his room. Not just a voice. It was a _familiar_ voice. When the owner of the voice stepped inside the room, Yeosang confirmed his hallucinations.

‘ _Why is he here? It's impossible.’_

“J-Jongho? Is this real? Am I hallucinating? Am I out of my mind? Is it you? Is it really... you?” Jongho nodded, tears forming in his eyes as he hears Yeosang's voice cracked. He quickly went to Yeosang's side and hugged him. He missed being this close to him. He missed his company. He missed everything about him.

“It's me. It's really me. You're not hallucinating. Shh hyung, It's okay. I'm here. I'm finally here.”

“I don't believe you. This is too good to be true. You almost feel so real. I don't wanna wake up. I'm scared. I'm so scared that if I open my eyes, you'll disappear.” Yeosang snuggled closer to Jongho's chest, the younger held him tight. Oh how both of them missed this feeling.

“I'm right here hyung. I won't disappear. I won't leave.”

“What... What happened? Why am I here? Why are you here? How... How long was I out?” Yeosang asked, voice hoarse.

“Hongjoong hyung called me.”

“What? Why? He doesn't even know you.” Yeosang asked, confused.

“He said Mingi hyung was out of reach. So he decided to call whoever is in your contacts and that's how we talked.”

“What happened? I don't remember anything except for passing out in the parking lot... Oh! Oh! I passed out! I fucking passed out! Oh my God!” Yeosang panicked. Jongho pulled him closer and rubbed comforting circles on his back.

“Shh hyung. You'll exhaust yourself again if you will keep on shouting.”

“But why? Why did you come here? You could've had told him that you're not around. Wouldn't your mom be mad that you went _all the way_ here?” Jongho smiled. Yeosang never really changed. He's still as caring as ever, just as Jongho likes.

“Don't worry about it hyung. Hongjoong hyung's call was a blessing in disguise. I need to break free from all those shits in Busan. So the very moment that he told me he needs someone to help him take care of you, I didn't hesitate to grab my things and drive all the way here... And I'm not coming back there, ever.” Yeosang straightened himself up and looked at Jongho with wide eyes. He smacked the other in the head and caught him by surprise.

“You're fucking insane Jongho! You went all the way here to fucking take care of me!? I'm a grown up man! I don't need anyone to take care of me! Besides, you're a fucking college student! The second semester just started! You can't just drop out of school just because you need to take care of _me_! That's bullshit Jongho!” The younger sighed. Sometimes he really hates Yeosang's personality. He hates how the older always acts so tough even though he's obviously breaking. He hates how he always say he's fine even though he's not. He hates his dumb personality.

“Hyung, can you please calm down?”

“You don't tell me to calm down! You can't just expect me to not be mad at you because you just _literally_ gave up your studies just to take care of me! That's fucking insane Jongho!” The older yelled.

“Hyung please, just calm down. I never said that I will stop going to school. I just said that I will never go back to Busan... I'll be studying here. Mingi hyung and I have the same course. Meaning, I'll be entering his school. So don't worry.”

“What? How will you do that? I just told you that the second semester already started. How can you just transfer there in the middle of the school year?” Yeosang asked.

“My other step brother knows what to do. He moved here in Seoul for like two months ago... he left me with my Mom. And I hate him for that. He literally _dragged_ me to Busan two years ago without being able to say goodbye to you. And then he'll just fucking leave me there? Fuck him. He's so fucking annoying... But yeah, when I told him that I want to go here too, he just let me. He said he'll help me enter that school as an apology for leaving me with our psychotic mother. He's... I don't know maybe he has something to do with that school? Like you know, business related, I think? After all, he's a C.E.O of a building design company if that's what you call it.” Jongho shrugged. Yeosang's expression softened. At least, Jongho didn't give up his studies for him. He felt somehow relieved because of the news. But he still have many questions in mind. _What is he doing inside the room? How long was he asleep? Where is Mingi? Who paid for his hospital bill?_

“Jongho, why am I here? I'm supposed to be at the hospital if I passed out, right?”

“Oh, the doctor said we can take you home. He said you're perfectly fine and that It's nothing serious. But I know that's a fucking lie, considering your condition.” The younger said, rolling his eyes.

“My what?” Yeosang confusedly asked. What condition is Jongho talking about? He's fine. He was just exhausted that's why he passed out.

“Your condition. Hyung, you were out for a week. You were asleep for a whole week. I was so fucking _worried_ , all of us were! That fucking doctor is _sick_! And the fucking hospital bill is _insane_! You were there for just a day and the bill is like fucking overpriced. I don't know what to do and neither did Mingi hyung. Because obviously we _can't_ pay for that _much_ money 'cause we're just two fucking broke college students. So we just did what we need to do without thinking about it.” Once again, Yeosang's eyes goes wide with Jongho's explanation. _He was out for a week?_ That was scary. That can't be true. He have classes to attend to. He missed a lot of topics. He will not be able to understand the other topics that will come. And he also have a job. What if they fire him? How is he going to be able to give Mingi his daily needs if he doesn't have a job anymore? Plus, Jongho is here now. He's also responsible for him. How can he raise two people without a job?

“I was out for a week!? B-But my classes! How am I suppose to catch up on my classes!? This is fucking insane! I'm going insane! I also have a job! What if they fire me!? What am I going to do!? How am I supposed to give you and Mingi a good life if I'm jobless!?” Yeosang cried out. Jongho wrapped his arms around the older once again and held him close.

“Don't worry hyung. Hongjoong hyung took care of your job. And... Dad took care of your classes.” Yeosang's body froze. _His father took care of his classes?_ So that means... his father knows about what happened?

“D-Dad did what? Did you? D-Did Mingi? Did the two of you talked to him?” He was scared. If his dad knows about what happened, _everything_ will be so fucked up. His father always wanted him to take over his business. he always tells Yeosang to give up law school and just accept his offer. But Yeosang has his own decisions. He wants to be a lawyer. He wants to defend innocent people like himself. And he is sure that if his father founds out about what happened, he will have another reason to stop him from doing what he wants the most. After all, his father is still the one who pays for his tuition fee, simply because he can't afford it.

“Hyung. I told you not to worry, right? San hyung took care of him for us. He told him that you were coming with him on a business related trip, saying that he's gonna teach you about business. You know dad always wants you to learn about business, right? That's why he believed San hyung. So you don't have to worry, okay? He doesn't know about what happened. You're safe. Also... San hyung was the one who paid for your hospital bills” Yeosang felt his world stop. Memories from the past kept replaying in his head. ‘ _ **Don't you think it's about time for you to pay me back**_?’ Yeosang once again finds himself unable to breathe. _**San.**_ He's here. _He's back._

Yeosang feels hot tears escape his eyes. He's gasping for breath, unable to think straight. He feels so suffocated as if the oxygen is disappearing on thin air. His heart clenched tightly. He feels cold sweat rolling on his forehead. He's _not_ safe here. He feels trap. He's in the same room as before. The fear and trauma starts to get into his system. It's gonna happen _again._ He _doesn't_ want it to happen again.

“Hyung! Hyung! Hyung please, please look at me! Hyung I'm here! You're safe. Shh, You're safe. I'm here. You're safe. Calm down. You're safe.” The younger assured him.

"I-I'm not safe here! He's gonna get me! He's coming for me! I can't stay here! He'll do it again! I don't want to experience it again! I-I don't want to see him again!” Yeosang is hysterical. He is scared. He's afraid. He's _not_ ready to see _him_ again.

“Shh hyung. No one's going after you. No one's going to hurt you. You're safe. You're going to be safe as long as I am here. I promise. I will protect you hyung. Please calm down.”

“I'm not gonna be safe here. I'll never be safe in this place. Please Jongho. Please let's leave. I don't want to stay here. I don't want to see him again. I'm not ready to see him again.” Yeosang pleaded. He feels so desperate to get out of the room, to get out of the house where he was held _captive_ for hours.

“Hyung. I-I'm confused. What's happening? Why are you not going to be safe here? This is San hyung's house. He'll keep you safe. We'll keep you safe.”

“No! You don't understand! I'm never gonna be safe around San! You don't understand me! You won't understand me!” Yeosang yelled, angry tears flowing down hus flushed cheeks.

“Then make me understand, hyung. I'll listen.”

“I just... Please... Please let's leave, Jongho. I don't want to stay here.” He pleaded. Desperately looking at Jongho's eyes, wanting him to understand that he really wants to leave, he really _needs_ to leave.

“But San hyung is not here, he's gonna be away for a week. I haven't even thank him yet. Wouldn't it be rude if we will just leave without informing him?” Jongho asked.

“W-We can thank him someday. I-I will face him when I'm ready. So please, let's get out of here.”

“Fine. But we need to wait for Mingi hyung first. For now you should just take a rest. I'm gonna wait for him in the living room, I'll call you once he arrives.” Jongho stated, holding Yeosang's hand in his and rubbing comforting circle on his hands.

“Okay, thank you Jongho. Please don't leave me again.”

 _“I won't leave. You'll be safe with me. You'll be safe_ _with_ _Mingi hyung. We'll keep you safe. We promise.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so,,, how's the story so far? 
> 
> we are meeting more people connected to yeosang's life! seonghwa will come very soon dw!


	6. Chapter 6

“It's about time you arrive.” Jongho's voice was the first thing that Mingi heard when he entered the house. He rolled his eyes and walked straight towards his bedroom. He's _so_ exhausted, he can't deal with him right now. All he wants to do is lay in bed and relax. But how can he do that if Jongho gripped his arm preventing him to go further to his room?

“Not now, Jongho. I'm tired.” Jongho cocks an eyebrow at that. 

“Tired? Wow. You barely go home at an appropriate hour, you don't even have time to take care of hyung. And you really have the nerve to tell me you're _tired_? Are you seriously kidding me right now?”

“Jongho, school is already so fucking exhausting, stop being a little bitch and shut the fuck up! And for your information, you don't have the right to talk to me like that! I am older than you!” Mingi snapped. Sure, Mingi is older than him and he is being disrespectful right now, but Mingi never raised his voice at anyone before.

He never gets mad let alone shout while cursing, no matter how _‘tired’_ or upset he is. So Jongho was shocked to say the least. Mingi isn't acting like his own self, what is wrong with him?

“You're always so fucking ‘ _tired’_ hyung! Ever since I came back here, you've never talk to me! Hell, you've never even spare me a glance! You kept on leaving early and going home _really_ late! Do you hate me or something!?” Jongho yelled. He won't let this day pass without knowing what is happening to Mingi. He wants him back, he wants the old _him_ back.

“I do! I fucking hate you, Jongho! I hate you so damn much!” Mingi stated. Jongho's heart shattered into pieces. It hurts, it really does. But then again, it's his fault. He left them.

He disappeared a year ago without even saying goodbye. He understands what Mingi is feeling. He deserves to be hated by Mingi, he does. But he won't let Mingi's relationship with Yeosang be ripped into pieces too.

“I-I'm sorry... I'm sorry that I left. But hyung, can you please put that hate aside? Yeosang hyung _needs_ you. He needs us both. You can't keep on ignoring him forever just because I'm always beside him!” 

“I can if I want to! I don't want to see him! I don't want to see the both of you!” Mingi shouted, tears now rolling down his cheeks. His heart hurts so much. Everything hurts _so_ much. 

“Hyung! Yeosang hyung needs you! He needs us! If you can't put your hate aside, then fine! Hate me! You can hate me all you want! Punch me, hurt me, do anything you want! I don't care! But can you at least act like you don't hate me in front of him? Hyung, he needs you! He was unconscious for a week, he can't eat or drink properly because of that... He was weak, he could've die because of that! But _you_ , you never even checked if he was okay! You're so fucking selfish for letting your hate towards me took over your system! You're so selfish for only thinking about your feelings! You're so selfish for _completely_ ignoring Yeosang hyung's existence! What kind of a brother are you!?”

Jongho was mad. He knows that Mingi was hurt because of his arrival but he's being unreasonable at this point, and he needed to let him understand that his hate isn't gonna take him somewhere.

“You don't understand me, Jongho! You don't understand why I never went inside that room to see him! You don't understand why I behaved like _that_! Just because I never show it doesn't mean I don't care! Don't invalidate my feelings, because you don't understand me! Both of you don't!” Mingi shouted.

He was upset, he was mad, he hates them _so_ much. He really does. They never considered his feelings. Funny how Jongho told him that he is being selfish, when they were the one who's too caught up on their own feelings, needs and wants.

“Then make me understand.” Jongho said, putting his hands on Mingi's shoulders.

“Make us understand.”

Mingi felt his body stiffened. _Us_? Does that mean Yeosang heard him?

“Us? Hyung is awake?” Mingi asked, voice quivering in fear. What if Yeosang heard him? What if Yeosang feels sad afterwards because of his words? What if Yeosang hates himself because Mingi said that he hates him? He can't have that, he doesn't want that.

“Yes.”

“Does... Does that mean he heard us?” He asked, voice suddenly quiet.

“No. The walls in this house are soundproof, you know that.” Jongho said, Mingi's body instantly relaxed at that.

“He's worried about you, hyung. When he woke up, he kept on searching for you. He wants to see you so bad.” Jongho continued, but Mingi stayed quiet.

“I don't know why but he said he wants to leave this place as soon as possible. I told him we'll just wait for you to come back and then we'll leave. So pack up your things and-”

“I'm not going.” Mingi stated before Jongho even have the chance to finish what he is saying. Jongho looked at him in disbelief.

“What? Didn't you hear me? I said I'm not going! I don't want to see your faces! I'll stay here. I'll wait for San hyung, he'll take care of me.” Jongho can't believe everything that is coming out of Mingi's mouth. He can't believe that the older will really let himself be eaten by his hate. He can't believe the person before him. This isn't Mingi, this isn't the old him.

“I understand that you hate me, you have all the rights to feel that way. But please, don't bring Yeosang hyung into _this_! He did nothing wrong! Why the fuck are you acting like this!?”

“Don't tell me to not bring him into this! Don't tell me that he did nothing wrong! You don't know a thing, Jongho! You don't know _anything_ that happened because you left us a year ago! You left us, Jongho! We're devastated! I kept on texting you, calling you, reaching out to you on any social media flat form, but you never responded!”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Jongho's phone kept on ringing and buzzing non-stop. Notifications coming from Mingi and Yeosang popping out on his phone's lock screen. He wants to look at them, he wants to open them and respond... But he can't do that. That will be a big risk, a very big risk. If he answer a call or even a single text, there's a big chance that his mother might track their location... He doesn't want that to happen. He has to prevent it from happening._

**_“Why don't you answer their calls, Jongho? They must be worried sick about you. Don't you want to reach out to them? Don't you want to see them again?”_ **

_It has been a month since he disappeared. It has been a month since his stepbrother drag him from Seoul all the way to Busan. It has also been a month since he last saw Yeosang and Mingi. It has been a whole month since he last heard their calming voices, and Jongho is getting tired of it. He wants to call them and tell them that he is okay, that they don't have to worry about him... He miss them so much._

_He wants to see them again... But he just can't bring himself to go back to Seoul, not in this situation. Not when his mother wants nothing but to see his brothers and take revenge. So Jongho came to a decision to completely ignore them just to keep them safe._

**_“Come on, Jongho, answer their calls.”_ ** _His mom demanded, a smirk present on her face._

 **_“I told you to stop trying mom. No matter how much you hurt me, I won't call them and risk their life. You already have me, you can do whatever the fuck you want to me, hell you can even kill me. Isn't that enough!?”_ ** _His words came out without a single regret, without a single fear of what his mom could do to him because of his disrespectful act._

_He wants her to realize that she is being cruel. He wants her to realize that she is acting insane._

_A slap was delivered on his cheek, but Jongho didn't even flinched. He is used to this, this isn't the first time that his mom has hit him while throwing disgusting words to his face. It's not like her words mean anything to Jongho though, just like he never meant anything to her._

_He never liked his mom, he doesn't even consider her as one either. She doesn't deserve that title, she doesn't deserve to have kids because of the way she treats him. She was abusive from the very start, may it be verbal or physical. She'll do anything to make Jongho regret if he goes against her, and he hates her for that._

_His dad isn't any better though, in fact he is worse. Growing up, Jongho always found himself lock up in the basement of their old house, along with Mingi, when their father's friends, business partners or even relatives came to visit. He doesn't treat them as his sons, he always keeps them hidden from the world, never getting a chance to at least be introduce to their grandparents._

_So growing up in a household where both parents are abusive, Jongho didn't have the chance to experience a good childhood._

_There were times where he couldn't take it anymore, there were times where he wanted to give up. But Mingi and Yeosang were always there to cheer him up when he feels that way. They were there to keep him safe, give him love and care._

_Yeosang and Mingi were his light, his life, his angels, his everything. Without them, Jongho is nothing._

_So now that they are away from Jongho, he can feel himself starting to get weak. He needs them by his side, he needs them so much._

_But he also needs them to be safe, he needs to protect them. He'll do anything to do that, even if it means that he needs to stay away from them forever._   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“It hurts, Jongho! It fucking hurts so much! You promised us that you'll never leave! You promised us that dad leaving, will be the _last_! You promised us that no one will leave us again! You promised us that you will _never_ leave, but you left, Jongho! You left us! You fucking left us without giving notice, you left without saying goodbye! Do you know how much that hurts!?”

Mingi lets his body give out. He fell down on his knees, too weak to keep standing because of the way it kept on shaking.

Jongho quickly pulled Mingi in for a hug, wrapping a protective arm around him as the older continued to sob against his chest.

“Y-You... You don't understand how hurt I was... I was broken, but I kept on telling myself that I am strong, that I can live without you and... I slowly started to believe the lie that I created by myself.” Mingi continued. His voice cracking in between words as he lets more tears escape his eyes.

“But then _something_ happened to hyung seven months ago. I don't know what it was because he never told me anything no matter how hard I try to nag him to get him talking.” Then he stopped, suddenly feeling hesitant, but a squeeze on his shoulders made him continue.

“He... He arrive _really_ late one night. His eyes were glazed over, puffy and red. He looks so out of it, he looks so lost, _so_ broken.”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_After what happened at San's house, Yeosang went back home, out of his mind. He still can't believe what happened._

_He still feels their hands roaming over his body. How their filthy cocks thrust inside him as he feels their breath against his neck along with the humiliating words and stares. Yeosang wishes that it should have been a nightmare, a really bad one. He wishes that it should have never happened._

_But everything was too late._

_The filthy thing that Yeosang never can't believe he would get to experience, already happened twice._

_He feels so dirty that it hurts. His body, mind and soul, everything about him hurts. He feels so small, so fragile, so vulnerable and so so broken._

_He wishes he could have been tough to fight back, but everything happened so quickly. And now he was forced to forget everything that happened to save his own sanity._

_But how can he forget such an awful event?_

_Yeosang was so lost on his thoughts that he doesn't even realize that he have already arrive at their house, until San placed an arm on his shoulder to which he visibly flinch, moving his body away from San._

_**“I'm sorry... We're already here, Sangie.”** _ _Yeosang quickly got out of the car without sparing a glace at San. His_ _voice still ringing into his ears._

_How can he be so calm and collected after what happened? How can he sound so innocent, like he did nothing wrong? How can he act like he never touched Yeosang against his will?_

**_Sangie._ **

_Never in his life did Yeosang think he will ever hate the sound of his own name coming out from San's mouth. That nickname_ **_was_ ** _special to him. San_ **_was_ ** _special to him. San made him happy, made him feel safe. He used to be Yeosang's favorite person._

_But not anymore._

_For Yeosang, San is the most cruel being alive. San helped him to recover from the damage that Seonghwa and Yeonjun gave him, only to bring him down._

_He feels so sick to be on the same space as San. He wants to punch him in the face, beat him up and kill him._

_But he can't do that._

_San already promised him that he will take care of Mingi till the day he dies. So if Yeosang kills him right then and there, Mingi's life will never be the same._

**_“Oh my God, Yeosang hyung! Where have you been!? I'm so worried about you!”_ ** _Mingi said when he opened the door. Yeosang didn't even looked at him nor smile and just went inside, immediately going to his room._

_Mingi was confused. What could've happened to school for Yeosang to act like that?_

**_“He went to my house, crying. I didn't know what happened, he didn't tell me anything. He just hugged me, saying that he needs some comfort. He told me he doesn't want you to see him like that, but I don't know how to cheer him up so I took him back here... I'm sure he'll tell you about it when he's comfortable... For now just give him some time. But if something happens, call me immediately, okay?”_ ** _With a nod, Mingi rushes inside to comfort Yeosang._

_He knocked on the door three times but he didn't get an answer, instead he heard the sound of Yeosang's cries, his cries of misery._

_Mingi was worried sick. What could've happened to Yeosang? The last time that Mingi saw him in this state was after their dad left. Could it be because of their dad or was it because of Jongho's disappearance?_

_He was getting restless trying to find an answer of his own, so he continued to knock on the door, hoping that Yeosang will come out and welcome him in his arms and tell him what happened._

_His hopes were immediately put down the moment Yeosang decided to respond._

_**“Just leave me alone! I don't want to see you! I don't want to see any of you!”** _ _Yeosang yelled then soon turned into a crying mess. Mingi's heart shattered. Yeosang is not okay, he wants to hug him, comfort him and tell him that he is always there for him. But Yeosang seems to mean what he said... And maybe San is right, maybe Yeosang needs time._

_**“San hyung will take care of you, he promised me. Just... Just leave me alone please.”** _   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“He locked himself in his room for _three months,_ only going out to go to the bathroom to take a shower. He never spare me a glance and he stopped talking, completely. I was so worried, I was so scared... I wanted him back, but how can I save him if he doesn't want any help?” Jongho can't believe what he have heard.

Yeosang went through all that without telling Mingi? But, Yeosang never kept a secret from them... So it must be something serious for him to hide it, and Jongho doesn't like the thought of it.

“I can frequently hear him crying, I always hear him shouting because of his nightmares. He kept on apologizing, screaming that he doesn't want _them_ near him... I even heard him saying sorry to me one time when he's having a nightmare and... even after it.”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_“I'm sorry! Please leave me alone! Please don't come near me! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Mingi. I'm so sorry.”_ **

_Yeosang woke up crying from another bad dream. It has been almost three months since that happened, but he still can't forget about it. He can still feel their hands, their stares, he can even hear their laughs. And Yeosang hates every second of it._

_What could he possibly did to deserve something like that? He has been a good child, a good person to everyone. So why did an awful event like that happened to him... twice?_

**_“Hyung, please open the door! Please face me! Please let me comfort you! Hyung please, please, please open the door! I want to see you! I want to make sure that you're okay... I'm so worried about you, hyung. Please give me a chance to help you.”_ ** _He_ _heard Mingi shouting and banging at his door._

_**Mingi.** _

_It has also been almost three months since he last saw Mingi even though they're living on the same house. To say that he is worried about Mingi is an understatement. He wanted to check on him, he wanted to see if Mingi is doing well in his studies. He wants to know if no one has been bothering him, if he's still smiling as bright as before._

_He miss having Mingi by his side, but Yeosang knew very well that he can't face him, at least not right now._

_He's still mentally, emotionally and physically unstable. It will just hurt Mingi more if he faced him looking so broken. Mingi has had enough of life's bullshit and Yeosang doesn't want to be another burden in Mingi's life._

**_“I'm okay, Mingi, you can go back to sleep. I'm sorry.”_ ** _He stated. He heard Mingi sighed and his footsteps going further and further away from his room._

 **_“I'm sorry, Mingi, I'm such a bad brother. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.”_ ** _He sobbed, hugging his knees close to his chest._  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“I was so confused, Jongho. What could've happened to hyung for him to act like that? Why would he say sorry to me over and over when he did nothing wrong? I was so confused, and worried.” Mingi sniffled, looking at Jongho. He sees the younger's teary eyes and he can't help but to feel bad.

He knows Yeosang meant a lot to Jongho, so hearing any of this without being able to go back in time to comfort his hyung must've hurt. 

“I tried to call San hyung that night because I don't know what to do, but it turns out that San hyung will be leaving Seoul the next day so he decided to visit before I can even tell him what's wrong.”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 _ **“S-San hyung? I was just about to call you. I don't know what to do anymore, hyung. He's becoming worse. I bring him food everyday but he never touches them. I mean, at night he does, but he only ever ate half of it and it's not healthy. He's been crying non-stop for the past three months. I'm so worried about him hyung. I feel like a bad brother because I can't do anything to comfort him. Hyung, I'm**_ _**so scared... I-I**_ _**don't want to lose him too.”**_ _Mingi sobbed as San held him close._

_The past three months has been so hard for Mingi. He's been suffering a lot, thinking that he's the reason why Yeosang was acting like that, because of the times he heard him shouting his name while apologizing. He felt like he's responsible for every nightmare that his brother was having, he felt responsible for every tears that he have shed._

_**“Shh, Mingi. I supposed you never tried to use the key to his room, no?”** _ _Mingi nodded._

 _**“Can you go to my house and stay there until tomorrow? You can take my car, I'll just call someone to pick me up... I'm going to talk to Yeosang, so you don't have to worry. You need to take a rest, you've done a lot to help him. Don't worry, I'm sure after this, everything will be alright... So go now, it's already late. Drive safely.”** _ _Mingi quickly complied. He wanted to insist that he wants to stay so he can see how Yeosang is doing once San convinced him to go out of his room, but he's too tired to argue._

_The moment that Mingi left, San already went to Yeosang's room, grabbing the key on the way._

_When he opened the room, his heart immediately dropped. Yeosang doesn't look like himself._

_His eyes are puffy and red with bags underneath, as if he haven't been sleeping much. His fluffy brown hair that are disheveled are now longer than what San remembered. His body is not in a good shape either. He became so skinny, his skin got paler and there are cuts, lots of it._

_San can't help but to feel bad._

_**He's the reason why Yeosang became something like this.** _

_**He's the reason why Yeosang looks like a different person.** _

**_He's the reason why Yeosang look so broken._ **

_**“Yeosang.”** _ _The said boy looked at him in fear and San can't help but to feel sad. He knows he deserve that look but he doesn't want to see that ever again. He wants Yeosang to be like before, so innocent and untainted._

 _**“W-What are you doing here? Y-You said you'll never show up anymore. You promised you'll never go close to me anymore. I-I... W-What are you doing here?”** _ _Yeosang asked, his voice shaky as he curled into his body._

 _ **“Don't worry, I won't hurt**_ _ **you**_. _ **I told you that I'm never doing that again, and I mean it. I'll respect you and your personal space.**_ **_I just drop by to say goodbye, for now. I'm going back to Busan to do some company related things. I'll be gone for a year, but don't worry, I'll still take care of Mingi. I'll still give him money for his studies and daily needs. He can also stay in my house if he wants._**

_**But I can't look after him when I'm away. So I'm asking you a favor, can you please leave this room and go back to your normal life? Maybe you should talk to him again... I know what I did to you was something that can't be forgiven despite all of this good deeds that I have done, but Mingi needs you. He's so worried about you, Yeosang. If you continue being like this, Mingi will be like you, starving himself, never getting enough sleep and being a completely different person.** _

_**What I did to you was bad. No, it was the worst thing a person can do to his friend and I'm truly sorry for that. I regret doing that, Yeosang, I really do. I regret being dumb and drinking that beer even though their actions are suspicious. I know none of this explanation will make you forgive me but I** _ _**just** _ _**want you to know how sorry I am. The past three months has also been bad for me. The company isn't doing great because their C.E.O is busy having nightmares because of the shit that he did. But I deserve that.** _

**_I deserve to have a very bad downfall because of what I did to you. I tried killing myself because of what I did but it would be too offensive if you weren't the one that will take my life, so I never attempted to do something stupid again. I'm so sorry for what I did, Yeosang. Our relationship will never be the same again, I'm aware of that. I'm sorry for breaking your trust. I'm sorry for bringing you down._ **

**_And now that I'm going away, I want you to maybe try and go back to your life, to maybe start over again and forget about me. The help that I promised you, I will just send them directly to Mingi's bank account so that you won't be able to hear from me for a year._ **

**_You have to get better, Yeosang. You have to help yourself recover. You have lost almost three months of your life. You need to go back to school, you have a lot of lessons to catch up. You have to graduate, that's you dream, right? To be able to graduate and be a lawyer as soon as possible so that you can give your brothers the life that they deserved. And by that, you have to get yourself together. You have to be strong, you need to live for a long time. Mingi needs you by his side and Jongho needs to see you healthy and happy once he comes back._ **

**_I want you to be happy, Yeosang. You deserve it. I'm sorry for taking away your smile and your life. I hope you can find yourself again. Goodbye for now, Sangie.”_ ** _With one last smile, San left the room._

_Yeosang lets the tears flow once again. San is right, he needs to get himself together. He's getting tired of living in despair and ignoring everyone that wants to help. He needs to go back to his life. Mingi needs him and he needs to find Jongho for him to be complete again, and he cant do that if he'll stay like this forever._   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“When I came back to the house after San hyung left to Busan, Yeosang hyung was already out of his room. He was cooking breakfast, smiling and humming. When he saw me that day, he hugged me so tight while apologizing non-stop. He was so _so_ happy that day and it felt so wrong. I know it sounds weird because I should be happy that he decided to go out of the the room and was finally happy, but it felt like it's not really him.

I feel like there's still something wrong though he never told me anything. It just doesn't feel like him anymore.”

Now it's Jongho's turn to cry. He feels so useless. He should've been there for Yeosang and Mingi when they needed him the most. He felt like the worst brother in the world.

“I-I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Mingi hyung. I should've been there for the both of you, yet I left you. I'm sorry.” Mingi patted his back in a comforting manner and decided to continue.

“After that, he started to force himself to study. He had a hard time catching up for the three months of school that he missed, saying that he wanted to study harder so that he can graduate early to give me everything that I need. He kept on saying that if he study harder and finished school earlier than needed then we can find you as soon as possible.

He was broken, I knew he was. But he _never_ showed it. He always comes home _really_ late with a pounding headache but he always brush it off saying that it's normal because law school is hard.

But then I found out that the reason he always comes home late and tired wad because he's taking a part time job. Can you imagine that, Jongho? He's taking a part time job while studying law. He hardly have time to take care of himself and it hurts to see him like that. It hurts to see him force himself to work just to give me the best life that I could ever dream of. It hurts to see him force himself to work just to find you.

And that's why I hate you, Jongho. Do you know how much it hurts to see him like that just because of you and me? It kills me every day, Jongho.

I always tell him that he needs a break, that I can handle myself because I'm already a grown-up adult. But he keep on insisting that he doesn't want me to get tired, and to just focus on my studies or hangout with my friends.

Isn't that selfish, Jongho? Isn't doing something for someone even though they don't like it, selfish?” Mingi asked then sighed when he saw how confused the younger was.

“When I found out what happened to Yeosang hyung, I panicked. I was at a friends house and I broke down. I was so devastated about the news. I thought I'm going to lose him too, I thought I'm going to be all alone.

I was so overwhelmed when I saw you at the hospital that's why I never got close to where you are. I feel like I'm gonna pass out because of the events. That's why I decided to be ignorant. I decided to ignore you, I decided to not visit Yeosang hyung even though we're at the same house. I was so scared, Jongho. I don't know what I will do if I lose him, if I lose one of you.

And that scary feeling turned into hatred. If he wasn't so selfish, then that would've never happened.

I hate him! I hate you! I hate the both of you! I don't want to see you, so please just leave me alone! I'll stay here. I need San hyung, he knows what to do. So please, if you want to leave, then go! I'm not coming with you!” Mingi shouted, pushing Jongho away from him.

“Y-You... You hate me?”

“Yeosang hyung... I-I don't... I-” Mingi was lost for words.

**Yeosang heard him.**

**He heard everything.**

“You hate me!? After all I did for you? You're so ungrateful, Mingi! I did that for you! I did that to give you a better life! I did that to help you forget about how shitty your life was! I did everything for you, Mingi! How dare you say that you hate me!?” Yeosang shouted.

“I never asked you to help me! I never asked you to do all of that for me! You did that because you're so selfish! You always do everything you want for us without asking for our opinion! You said you want me to forget about how shitty my life was, right?

Well to tell it to you straight, all you did was to make me remember how fragile I was! All you did was to make me remember how unwanted I was before! You never made me feel special! You never made me feel better, hyung! You make me feel so sick! You make me feel worse!”

Mingi's eyes widen in shock when he felt Yeosang's hand hard on his cheek. _He slapped him._

“Mingi I-I don't... I'm sorry... I'm-”

“No! You said you'd never be like dad! You said you hated him with all your heart, but you're slowly becoming like him! You're slowly turning into a monster!

Get out! You want to leave, right!? Then, go! I don't want to see you! Leave!” Mingi shouted. He ran to San's room, slamming the door shut behind him.

Yeosang fell into his knees. He felt so dumb.

_Why did he hit Mingi?_

_Why did he hurt his beloved brother?_

Mingi was right. He's slowly turning like his dad, he's turning into a monster.

Jongho rushes to him and helped him stand up, leading him out the house and into the car.

“But... But we can't leave him. W-We can't leave Mingi alone, Jongho. What if... What if he do something stupid? W-What if he hurts himself?

I'm a bad brother, Jongho. I should've never hit him. I need to go back there, I need to say sorry, I need to make sure that he's okay. ” Yeosang's tears keep on rolling down his cheeks once again.

“Give him time, hyung. He'll get over it. You were just mad that's why you did that, I'm sure he's just shocked, so give him time to think. You're not a bad brother, hyung. You did all of that for his own good, for our own good. So please, don't think of yourself that way.” Jongho said as he wiped the tears away from Yeosang's cheeks.

_‘I'm gonna make sure, Mingi hyung will regret everything that he just said.’_

_‘I'm not letting you hurt yourself again, hyung. I'm going to protect you, I'll never let you feel the way you did with dad back then. I'll treat you the way that you deserve to be treated.’_ Jongho thought to himself as he drove away from San's house.

“You're the best brother ever, Yeosang hyung. I'm so glad to be your brother.”


	7. Chapter 7

It has been a month since Yeosang last saw Mingi.

It has been a month since the argument happened.

It has been a whole month of him apologizing to Mingi and hoping that he would come back to him, that he would get to see him again.

But Mingi is still not with him.

Yeosang did nothing but to reach out to Mingi for the past month. He tried to call him, but Mingi never pick up, not even once. He tried to email him, but he never respond. He tried to check out his other social media accounts, tried sending messages to him using those, but in the end he got blocked.

The realization hit him hard. Mingi doesn't want to see him anymore. Mingi hates him and that's his fault.

If only he asked for Mingi's opinions about the things that he wanted to do for him,

If only he asked Mingi how he feels about the things that Yeosang does for him, the things that Yeosang gave him,

If only he asked Mingi if he was comfortable of letting Yeosang do all the work,

If only he weren't so selfish, if only he weren't too blinded by the _need_ to give Mingi everything that he didn't have,

If only he didn't let his hand hit Mingi's face a month ago,

If only he didn't said those awful words at Mingi, then he could've been there.

He could've been there with him and Jongho.

“Hyung, come on, we're gonna be late for school.” Jongho called from outside.

“I'm not going.”

“Come on, hyung. Is this about Mingi again?” Jongho asked.

“Excuse me? He is older than you. You should respect him even though he's not here.” Jongho rolled his eyes.

“Why are you being so disrespectful, Jongho? I did not raised you like that.” Yeosang said.

“Hyung, can you just stop talking and get ready for school?” Jongho was clearly annoyed. Yeosang has been acting so stubborn for a month now, refusing to go to school nor to work. And Jongho has had enough.

He needs to put an end to this.

He won't just sit there and stare at Yeosang as the latter ruin his own life each and everyday that pass. He wants to bring Yeosang back to his senses. And he knows exactly what to do.

“Fine. If you don't want to, guess I'll just have to force you.” He grabbed Yeosang's wrist and lead him to the car with force. He doesn't want to use force nor to hold Yeosang without any care, but that is the only way to make his brother come with him.

“Jongho, let go of me! I said I don't want to go to school!” Yeosang shouted. He was desperately trying to pry Jongho's hand off his wrist, but to no avail since the younger is clearly stronger than him.

“Shut up and get in the car, hyung! Or would you rather let me push you inside so you can stop being stubborn?”

“Jongho, what the fuck are you trying to do!? I am older than you! Why the hell are you talking like that!? You're so disrespectful! I did not raised you that way! Stop being a brat and let go of me!” Jongho smirked and pushed the older inside the car, putting on his seatbelt, then taking his place on the other side.

“Jongho where are you taking me!? I told you I don't want to go to school! I already told you that–”

“Shut up, hyung. You wanted to have Mingi back so bad, right? Then, I'm taking you to San hyung's house. So shut up and prepare your speech. Also, be ready to take in all the harsh words that would come out of your baby brother's mouth because I'm pretty sure that his stubborn ass won't listen to what you will say.” Jongho said.

Yeosang immediately shut his mouth and looked away. He can't blame Jongho for acting that way because he knows the younger is already frustrated by taking care of him. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


••••••••••••••••••

  
  
  


The whole car ride was silent and the atmosphere feels so suffocating. And after almost a 30-minute drive, they finally arrived to San's house.

Jongho was the first one who got out of the car, not sparing Yeosang a glance as he walked right up to San's front door, ringing the doorbell in the process.

“Oh, Jongho. What are you doing here?” He was greeted by San's soft voice, smiling at him sweetly. 

“Is the stubborn fucker here?” Jongho asked, voice filled with annoyance.

“Woah there, Jongho. Is that a way to call your older brother?” San chuckled.

“Where is he, hyung? I need to talk to him. Maybe knock some sense into his stupid brain.” San smiled and ruffled Jongho's hair before telling him where Mingi is.

“Try not to get physical, okay?” When Jongho got inside his house, he finally recognize a familiar figure walking up to him.

“Yeosang?” The boy didn't even look at him, he just kept his gaze fixed on the ground and just asked if he could enter his house to which San immediately agreed.

  
  


“I told you to not bother me anymore, Jongho! Stop telling me to go home because I won't! Stop trying to make it up to me because it will never change the fact that I hate the both of you!” Yeosang heard Mingi's voice coming from San's room. He felt his heart cracked from his words, but then again he deserves it because it's his fault.

  
  


“I–I'm gonna go and stop them.” Yeosang said as he hears the argument of his brothers that seems to get louder every second that passed.

“No, just stay there and relax. They are grown up adults, let them fix their own mess. Don't you think you've done enough for them?” San asked, but Yeosang remained silent as he looked down.

“Besides, Jongho is matured enough. He knows what to say and do to bring Mingi back. Just trust him.” San smiled at him but Yeosang kept his gaze fixed to the ground. He can't look at San. Everything about him reminds Yeosang of _that_ night. And he feels so disgusted. He feels so disgusted to be in the same room as San. San's presence alone makes him sick.

“You don't have to worry about them all the time, Yeosang. They know how to handle themselves. Mingi may be stubborn but Jongho knows what to do. You're youngest brother is more matured than you think. So put your trust into him and stop giving yourself an unhealthy amount of stress.” San continued, effectively making Yeosang stay in place.

  
  


“No, Jongho! Let go of me! I told you I don't want to go home! Stop dragging me, you disrespectful brat!” Mingi yelled as he was being dragged by Jongho to the living room where he saw Yeosang sitting on the couch, looking at him with teary eyes.

  
“I won't let you go unless you apologize to Yeosang-hyung, you stubborn dumb fucker!” Jongho shouted, gripping Mingi's wrist tighter and pulling him closer to where Yeosang sat.

“Why would I apologize? I wasn't the one who said mean things about my brother and I sure wasn't the one who slapped my brother because of anger. So why would I apologize?” Mingi sassed, looking at Yeosang.

“Listen, Mingi, I'm sorry I–” Yeosang starts but was cut off by Jongho glaring at him.

“Hyung, he was supposed to be the one apologizing! Why do you always step on your ego for this dumb bitch right here!?” Jongho snapped. Turning his attention to Yeosang showing him his annoyance.

Mingi grabbed Jongho's hand tightly, quickly prying it off from his wrist.

“You don't get to talk about me that way you stupid brat!” Jongho looked at Mingi and smirked.

“And what will you do about it?”

“I will fucking beat you to death!” Mingi practically growled at Jongho. Yeosang not wanting to let the argument grow further, stood up and made his way towards his brothers. But before he can touch one of them, San grabbed his arm to stop him.  
  
  


“Don't. I told you to let them fix the mess they made on their own. Stay there and listen to what they need to say. They need to get rid of their pent up frustrations and this seems to be the only way to do it. So just sit there and watch.” San let go of his arm and made his way back to the couch where he was sitting earlier, Yeosang followed him afterwards, sitting on the opposite side.  
  
  


“Wow, funny how you told Yeosang hyung that he is becoming like dad a month ago when you clearly are the one being like him.” Jongho said. The mention of his dad made Mingi's blood boil, he grabbed Jongho by the collar of his shirt. But Jongho doesn't seem scared and just flashed Mingi a sarcastic smile.

“What? Are you mad that I am right? You are just like dad. You are selfish. You only want what's best for you. You only do something that is in favor of you and your own stupid feelings. You are so fucking pathetic!” Jongho said, his smile only grow when he felt the older's grip on his shirt tightened.

“What? cat got your tongue? Or did you finally came back to your senses and realized that you are the selfish one and not Yeosang-hyung. You're a fucking pathetic self-centered piece of damn shit.” Jongho's words pierce through Mingi's heart and soul and he has had enough.

His fist made contact with Jongho's face before he can even control himself. He would've punch him more if it wasn't for Yeosang's strong grip, pulling him away from Jongho.

“Take that back you fucker! Take all that back! I am not like dad! I will never be like him! And I am not selfish! Take that back or I'm going to fucking kill you!” Mingi snarled at Jongho while the other just laughed.

“Oh my dearest Mingi-hyung, we both know everything I said is true. You are fucking pathetic. You're a self-centered bitch. All you think about is yourself. You're so fucking ungrateful.”

“Yeosang-hyung did everything for you yet you have the audacity to tell him that you hate him? What kind of a fucking behavior is that? That's a monster behavior. That's dad's behavior. You're just like him! A self-centered bitch who wants nothing but to follow his own will and listen to his selfish feelings without caring about other people!” Jongho shouted, earning another punch, but this time it came from Yeosang.

“Oh, so now you're taking his side, huh?” Jongho chuckled. He felt betrayed in many ways as possible. Ever since they were a kid, Yeosang always takes Mingi's side no matter what.

Jongho was always his second choice even though the youngest always do everything for him. It was obvious that Yeosang has his favorites and it was okay for Jongho, but the situation that they are in drew the line.

“You're being disrespectful, Jongho! And for your information, I am not taking any sides!” Yeosang snarled.

“Oh yeah? So when it's me who talks badly like that, I am the disrespectful one? But if he is the one who talks badly about me, then it's okay? And you're telling me you are not taking anyone's side!? You're so funny hyung. Just because he's older doesn't mean I can't talk to him like that especially if he is being unreasonable!”

“I am also his brother and me being younger doesn't change the fact that I can also be the one to knock some sense into that stupid little brain of his because it's so obvious that you can't do it! Why? Because you always tolerate his dumb ass, so why am I still surprised?” Jongho said as his vission started to blur from the forming tears in his eyes, smiling bitterly at them.

“How dare you talk to us like that!? You have been gone for a whole year, Jongho! You don't know a thing about our feelings!You don't know a thing about what happened for a whole year because you suddenly disappeared and enjoyed your fucking life wherever the hell you were while ignoring us!” Mingi said, desperately trying to get out of Yeosang's grasp.

“I did not want that! I did not want to be away from the both of you! Why do you always jump to conclusions without even hearing a single explanation coming from me!? I left against my own will! My mom wanted to take revenge to the both of you! Especially to you, Yeosang-hyung. That's why when my other brother found me, I did not put on much of a fight because if I did, you would've see me that day and you would've been there with me!”

“You would've been there taking mom's beating instead of me! I don't want that to happen so I went with my brother against my will just to keep you safe! I endured all of that for the both of you! I did not have a good time at Busan! I am fucking dying every single day, wondering if I would ever get to see the both of you again! Do you realize how hurt I was!?”

“Do you realize how hard all of that was!? No! Because you, Mingi-hyung, is a self-centered bitch! And you, Yeosang-hyung, is an unfair older brother! I should be the one saying that I hate the both of you because ever since I got back, none of you showed me the love and attention that I have been craving to feel for the past 18 years of my life!” Jongho spat out, not caring how his voice cracked at almost every sentence. His own tears rolling down his cheeks while he look at both of his brothers with disgust.

“Jongho W–We have no idea. I–I'm sorry, p–please–” Yeosang starts, moving closer to Jongho but the younger backs away and removed San's hands on his arms.

“Stay away from me! I'm gonna stay with my other brother for a while because even though he's annoying, he still gives me love and attention unlike you! Don't go home and wait for me and stay here! You want your favorite brother back, right? Then I won't stop you! Beg for him to come back to you all you want! I don't fucking care!” Jongho shouted, turning around to bid his goodbye to San and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.  
  
  


“M–Mingi–”

“I want to rest, hyung. Don't bother me. I don't want to hear your voice, I don't want to see you.” With that, Mingi left and went to San's room.  
  
  


Yeosang slumped on the floor, letting his tears roll down his tear stained cheeks. He had been a bad brother. He didn't get to fullfil the promised that he made with his mom. And now, him and his siblings are falling apart.

He felt hands wrapped around his nody and rubbed comforting circles on his back. Yeosang looked up to see San looking at him with sad eyes. He felt fresh wave of tears flow down as he snuggled closer to San, burying his face on the older man's chest.

“H–Hyung... Please... P–Please help me get them back. I–I can't live without them... They're the only person I have left... I–I can't lose them, hyung. Please help me... I–I'll do everything you want... E–Even _that,_ just please help me... Please hyung.” Yeosang cried out. Grabbing San's shirt so tight, as if he's scared that the older would turn his back against him too.

“Shh, Sangie. You don't have to do anything for me. I will help you even if you don't ask me to. I told you, I will make it up to you. For now I think you should go home and rest. I will talk to Mingi for you and you should do the same thing to Jongho too, okay? Don't worry, everything will be alright. I'll be here for you, Sangie, always.” San said while caressing Yeosang's face as he smile at the younger.

“Okay, you need to go home now and rest, Sangie.” Yeosang just pressed his face closer to San's chest, giving the older a sign that he doesn't want to let go. San just chuckled. Earlier Yeosang doesn't want to look at him and minutes later, the latter doesn't want to let go of San as if his entire life depends on him.

“P–Please hyung, let's stay like this for a while. I missed being held by you.” Yeosang said, looking at San with pleading be eyes. The older nodded and hugged him tighter.

“I've wasted my chance to be with you because of my dumb actions, but now that I'm back, I promise I won't ever hurt you again. I'll be here for you forever, Sangie. I will never let you go again.” He pressed a kissed on the top of Yeosang's head as he feels the younger's breath hitched, but he relaxed immediately. Hugging San back.

_‘Thank you for giving me a chance, Sangie. I promise I'll never waste it again.’_


	8. Chapter 8

After a while of cuddling on the floor, San felt Yeosang's body relaxed. When he looked at him, the said boy was asleep. His lips was formed into a pout, his cheeks where tinted red and eyes puffy because of crying. San smiled at him while caressing the younger's face.

Having Yeosang in his arms feels so good. He likes hugging Yeosang when the latter was feeling sad or being just clingy all and all. So the position that they are in now feels so nostalgic for San. If only he hadn't fucked up his chances to be with Yeosang then he could've had him in his arms a long time ago.

“Sangie... Don't fall asleep on me now. You have to go home.” San said in the softest way as possible because he knew that Yeosang can get very irritated when anyone wakes him up.

“Don' wanna” Yeosang replied, nuzzling his face closer to San's chest.

“Would you want me to carry you all the way to the car?” The younger quickly removed himself from San's arms and stood up, looking away.

“No need to get flustered, Sangie. I told you I won't do anything you don't like.” Yeosang just huffed and went outside.

“Okay, get in the car. I'll drive you back to your house since Jongho took your car.” The mention of Jongho made Yeosang's heart drop, tears started rolling down his cheeks again.

“Don't cry, Sangie. Jongho needs time. I told you, your youngest brother is matured enough. Don't worry about him, I'm sure he'll come around.” San reassured him, giving Yeosang a gentle pat on his head.

“Okay, get in the car before Mingi decides to get out of my room and talk to me.” The younger quickly complied. The ride was silent, but not the uncomfortable kind of silence that they shared 8 months ago. San sighed in relief. Maybe Yeosang have really forgiven him for what he did?

But looking at the younger who gazed on almost everything except him, San couldn't help but feel bad. He miss the old Yeosang. This Yeosang was made from bad experiences that San himself did. If only he could turn back time and stopped himself from doing those awful things to Yeosang, then his smile could've never disappeared.

“We're here, Sangie. Do you want me to stay here and–”

“No. I'll just call Hongjoong-hyung.” Yeosang coldly stated. He got out of the car, waving goodbye without sparing San a glance.

“What do I expect? What I did was unforgivable. I'm sure he's just really sad earlier to even push me away.” San said to himself while waiting for Yeosang to enter the house.

“But I won't give up. I'll help him bring his smile back. I'll bring Mingi back to him.” He glanced at Yeosang's disappearing figure one last time and started driving away.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


••••••••••••••••••

“Mingi-ah? Can you come out of my room? I bought your favorite Ice cream. Wouldn't want this to be so hard in the fridge, right?” San called out when he got home. Almost immediately, he saw Mingi running to him. 

“Thanks hyung. You're really the best at taking care of me.” The younger smiled and gave San a hug.

“Nuh-uh. Yeosang is the best at taking care of you. He was the one who took good care of you since you were just a little kid till now that you are taller than most of us.” Mingi frowned at the mention of his brother's name.

“Did he already left?” Mingi asked. Trying to sound like he doesn't care isn't Mingi's special skill so San let out a chuckle and sit down on the couch, letting Mingi sit beside him.

“Mingi-ah, I think you should give Yeosang a chance. He clearly wants what's best for you and Jongho. What you and Jongho said earlier is not good and I'm sure what you said a month ago isn't better. Your hyung is hurting. He needs the both of you.” San held Mingi's hands in his, smiling at the confused expression of the younger.

“But hyung, I was just saying the truth. Yeosang-hyung is selfish. He does everything on his own will. He never asked for our opinions. He never asked for how we feel about a certain thing that he is doing for us. I hate him because of that and that's not a bad thing, right?”

“I only hate him because he always push himself too much. He works at a cafe as a part time job after class as if law school isn't hard enough for him, just so he can give me a better life that I never even wished for. He always puts me first, puts Jongho first even though we're grown up adults that can take care of ourselves,”

“Hyung, he also has a life to live. He can't do that if he always puts his attention to us. I hate him for that but that doesn't mean that I don't love him anymore... The truth is, I also hate myself for being harsh to him earlier and a month ago. I just want to hug him and say sorry but there's also a part of me that doesn't want to apologize because I know that I am right. I just... I don't know hyung, I'm so confused,” 

“So for the meantime, can you take care of him for me while I figure things out hyung? But you don't necessarily need to take care of him all the time because I can feel the tension between the both of you. Just... Just... Can you be there for him when he needs you?” The older nodded and pulled him into a hug, wiping the tears on his cheeks.

“Thank you for being honest with me, Mingi-ah. You don't have to force yourself to talk to him if you're not ready yet. Things take time Mingi-ah. I promise you, I will take care of him. But you need to think this through. Your brother loves you so much and he needs you with him. You and Jongho are the only people left in his life. You need to always be with each other. Give him a chance, give yourself a chance.” The younger burst into tears once more and hugged San tighter. 

“I swear, you and you're brother have the same behavior when it comes to cuddling.” San chuckled. Mingi laughed and stopped crying. San suggested that they should eat the ice cream before it became hard rock in the fridge while they watched a movie to help take everything off of Mingi's mind.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


••••••••••••••••••••

“Joongie-hyung, I want them back. I–I can't live without them. T–They're so precious to me. T–They're the only ones I have left. I feel like a failure, Joongie-hyung. I broke my promise. I–I told mom that I will never let anything get in between me and my brothers, but I failed. T–They don't want me anymore, Joongie-hyung. W-What am I supposed to do?” Yeosang cried out.

“Yeosang-ah, your brothers just need time to process everything that have happened. Mingi was still shocked about what you said and did to him a month ago and I'm sure Jongho is as shocked as he is because of what you did earlier.”

“They need time, Yeo. They are already old enough to think about their mistakes. They are also old enough to understand why you did that. Just give them time. You don't have to rush things, cutie.” Hongjoong said. He smiled as he sees Yeosang nod at him with a pout present on his face.

“Stop pouting. You're really cute when you do that but pouting means your upset, so stop being upset and drop that pout, Yeo.” The younger glared at him but quickly complied.

“Hyung, can you do me a favor? Can you talk to someone for me?” Yeosang asked.

“I told you, we should give them time. Plus, this argument is between the three of you, I have nothing to do with it.” Hongjoong said sternly. But Yeosang isn't the one to give up. 

“Please, Joongie-hyung?” He asked again in the sweetest way as possible, giving the older the best pleading look that he could muster. Hongjoong, being the whipped man that he is, couldn't resist the puppy like eyes that the younger is giving him so he sighed and nodded.

“Fine.” He said, playfully rolling his eyes.

“Yay!” Yeosang cheered. Hongjoong gave him a smile while ruffling his hair.

“Who do you even want me to talk to? Is it Mingi? Do you want me to talk to Mingi?” Hongjoong asked. The younger sighed, the sad expression is once again present on his face as he looked away from Hongjoong.

“What? Did I say something wrong?” Hongjoong confusedly asked.

“No. I just... I don't want you to talk to Mingi.” Yeosang replied. He bit his bottom lip as he looked back at the older nervously.

“Huh? Then who do you want me to talk to?” 

“Jongho. I want you to talk to Jongho. Hyung, I know both of you don't know each other and you only met him once. But, can you please talk to him for me? Jongho have never been that rude to me, so that was the first time I saw him mad.”

“So I really don't know how to approach him and make it up to him. Jongho is the youngest but he's the most matured among us three. So please help me hyung.” Yeosang begged. The older was about to ask a question when Yeosang suddenly continued.

“He's much more easier to convince, hyung. Mingi is stubborn so I'll give him time. But I need at least one of them with me. Please, Joongie-hyung, please help me. I won't ask for your help about Mingi, I promise I can handle him by myself. But please help me with this one.” He pleaded. Grabbing Hongjoong's hands tightly as if he won't let him go if the older wouldn't agree.

“Okay. But I'm only doing it because he's cute.” Yeosang looked at him in shocked. The next thing he knew, he was laying on the cold floor as Yeosang pushed him away.

“What was that for!?” He whined.

“You called my little brother _‘cute’_ How dare you?!” The younger pointed at him.

“What? I'm just stating facts.” He shrugged, laughing as Yeosang's mouth drop open. The younger stormed towards him straddling his waist, looking down at him with anger evident on his eyes.

“Woah there, Yeo. What has gotten you so worked up? I only said he was cute. Is my Yeo-Yeo jealous that he's not the only cute one in my eyes?” He teased, poking Yeosang's side. The younger blushed but managed to brush it off by gripping Hongjoong's arms, placing it above his head. Giving him no chance to escape the younger's grasp.

“My brother is 6 years younger than you, Joongie-hyung. He's not even legal here in Korea! I'm gonna kill you if you call him cute again!” Yeosang hissed. Hongjoong laughed and leaned in, placing a kiss on Yeosang's cheeks.

“I'm just kidding, cutie. You're still the cutest baby in my eyes. But being jealous of your own brother isn't healthy, yeo-yeo.” He said, pecking Yeosang's pouting lips.

“'am not jealous. I just don't want anyone to talk like that about my brother. And if you do that again, I'm gonna dump you.” He huffed, crossing his arms against his chest.

“How are you going to do that when we aren't even in a relationship?” He asked. Smirking as he feels Yeosang's body tensed.

“Hey! You agreed to keep our ties like this!” Hongjoong chuckled and placed his hands on Yeosang's hip, flipping their positions. The flustered look on the younger's face as their eyes met made Hongjoong's heart beat faster.

After 8 months of being with Yeosang, Hongjoong still can't believe how lucky he was to have someone as beautiful as Yeosang in his arms. He still can't believe that he was able to take care of him, hug him and give him the love that he deserves. Oh how Hongjoong never wanted this moment to end. He wants to be like this with Yeosang for as long as he can.

The younger placed a hand on his chest to keep a little bit of distance between them. The flushed on his cheeks seems to be growing as time passes by them.

“Hyungie, are you just gonna keep staring at me? Don't you want to kiss me?” Yeosang asked, a smug smile present on his face. Hongjoong chuckled and leaned in, closing the gap between them and finally letting their lips touch.

The kiss was sweet and gentle, tongue barely present. Their lips were moving in a way that made both of their hearts flutter. Yeosang smiled on the kiss, Hongjoong following afterwards as they parted. The younger placed his hands on Hongjoong's cheeks, softly caressing it while looking at the older in the eyes.

“I like having moments like this with you, Joongie-hyung. Thank you for not giving up on me even though I'm a stubborn piece of shit. I hope someday I can finally figure out what I feel about you because being with you makes me happy.” Yeosang admitted, a blush slowly forming on his cheeks. Hongjoong leaned down and pecked his lips a couple of times before picking Yeosang up in bridal style.

“I told you, I will wait for that day. You don't have to give me the answer just yet, Yeosang. I can wait for you even if it takes forever. You, agreeing to stay like this, agreeing to be with me even without giving whatever this is between us a label, is more than enough. I love you, Yeosang. I'm always going to take care of you no matter what happened. You don't have to force yourself, okay?” Hongjoong assured him. Placing a kiss on Yeosang's nose as he make his way to Yeosang's room. He put the younger down on the bed softly. He laid beside him after, pulling him into a hug.

“You need to take a rest, cutie. I'll stay with you until you wake up.” Yeosang smiled at him and nuzzled his face on Hongjoong's neck, taking in his scent.

“Thank you, Joongie-hyung.” He said before finally falling asleep.

“No cutie, Thank you.” Hongjoong said, placing a kiss on the top of Yeosang's head as he cuddled closer to the younger.

_‘I wish I could make you forget about all your problems yeo-yeo. I wish I could've meet you earlier to protect you from the cruel reality of life. I wish I was there first. I wish I was your first’_


	9. Chapter 9

Jongho has been sitting inside the cafe where Yeosang works at for half an hour already. It was currently 4 o'clock in the afternoon, which means Yeosang will be arriving anytime soon.

And no, Yeosang isn't the one who told him to come. He received a call from an unknown number earlier that day, asking for a meet up as soon as possible.

In all honesty, Jongho doesn't know why he agreed in the first place. He doesn't even know what the person looks like or who he is. But the thoughts inside Jongho's head about what kind of a person could the man be, disappeared when he said that it is urgent and he wanted to meet at the cafe where Yeosang works at. Jongho doesn't want to admit it but he really wanted to see him so much.

“So? You wanted to meet me because?” Jongho asked the man in front of him, hair disheveled with sweat running down his forehead and neck, as if he had run all the way to the cafe.

“I want to talk to you about some things.”

“We don't even know each other.” He replied with an irritated tone present in his voice. The man just stared at him and smiled.

“Then why did you agreed to meet me?” The man asked jokingly and smirked as Jongho glared at him.

“I'm not going to talk to some random stranger about “some things” especially if he's fucking annoying.” Jongho said and stood up. He was about to leave when he felt the stranger grabbed his hands.

“I'm just kidding.” 

“Well I'm not.” At this point Jongho's patience is slowly fading and he's so painfully close to punching the man in the face.

He chuckled at Jongho's annoyance and gestured him to take a seat once again. 

“I wanted to meet you because I need to talk to you about Yeosang.” Jongho arched a brow at this and crossed his arms against his chest.

“I'm Hongjoong, 24, detective. I was the one who called you when Yeosang collapsed, I was also the person you met at the hospital a month ago. Do you think you can relax now that you know who I am?” He asked. The younger nodded, gesturing him to continue what he was saying.

“Don't worry, I won't do anything bad to you. I just came here because Yeosang asked me a favor, he wanted me to talk to you and I just couldn't resist.” Hongjoong smiled and leaned forward. 

“Jongho, your brother– he's not doing well. He's been out of his mind for the past week. The last time I got to talk to him was when he called me over to tell me everything that have happen between the three of you... He felt so sorry, Jongho. He won't stop telling me about how bad of a brother he was to say and do such things to you and Mingi. He then asked me if I could talk to you and maybe you know... convince you to comeback,”

“I'm always by his side, but I don't think that I'm the one he needs this time, so he doesn't talk to me let alone spare me a glance. I'm worried about him, Jongho... He's beating himself up believing that he deserves to starve, to get hurt and to be left out because of what he did and it breaks my heart, Jongho. Seeing him like that... It fucking hurts me.” Jongho stared at Hongjoong, he can feel how sincere the boy is about what he is saying. 

He can feel how much Yeosang means to Hongjoong as much as Yeosang means to him. And Jongho's heart broke at that. Not only did he hurt Yeosang, but he also hurt someone precious to him.

“You've been with him since you were just a little kid and I'm sure you know by now how Yeosang cope up with things, right? He tends to overthink every situation and problems that never go his way without telling anyone. He'd rather let himself be drowned in his own suffocating thoughts than to be ‘a burden’ to anyone... I'm scared, Jongho. I don't want to see him go back to what he used to be before... He's doing so much better two months ago and now everything seems to go downhill because of somethings.” Hongjoong stopped and leaned back, frustratedly rubbing his face.

“Jongho, I want you to know that Yeosang didn't mean to do that. He's just stressed... He's been through a lot and he only want what's best for you and Mingi. He doesn't have a favorite sibling because he loves the both of you equally... He just tends to show more love to Mingi because he knows that your brother needs it. Mingi is weak, I know that even though I've only know him for about 8 months. He clearly needs Yeosang's care and attention even though he doesn't want to admit it,”

“But you, Jongho, he sees you as someone strong, someone even he, can depend on. And that's a big thing considering that Yeosang doesn't like being dependent to anyone... You may not feel it but he loves you so much, he loves you more than himself.” Hongjoong stopped and stared at Jongho for a while before leaning in and placing his hands on top of Jongho's.

“I'm not saying these things to make you pity him and go back because you feel bad. I'm telling you all of these to make you realize that what you have said was wrong and that it clearly affected your brother in more ways than one. So, reflect on yourself, Jongho. I know Yeosang was wrong too, but as I told you, he isn't taking any sides. He wants what's best for you... And please, please comeback to him as soon as possible. He's destroying himself because of guilt and I can't bare to see him be miserable for long.” Hongjoong said. A sad smile displayed on his face while fresh tears roll down his cheeks.

“What is Yeosang-hyung to you?” Jongho asked. Hongjoong's statement made him curious. He wants to know more about how Hongjoong feels about his brother, he needs to know about everything that he knows about Yeosang. 

“Yeosang is the most important person in my life. I value him so much, Jongho. He's so precious to me... From the moment that I met him, my life have became meaningful... I consider meeting him a miracle from God... But, even though meeting him made me feel alive, the way we met still isn't anything that I imagined it to be... I wish I could've meet him under a different circumstance,”

“I don't know if he told you about how he met me and what happened to him 8 months ago. But to tell you this, Yeosang sees me as his hero because I was the one who stood by his side on his darkest days... He... Yeosang... He tried to commit suicide 8 months ago. I saw him at Han river, he was contemplating whether he would jump or not... I heard him saying sorry to someone, to you and Mingi. And at that very moment, I felt my heart sank,” 

“He's so beautiful, Jongho... I don't understand why someone as beautiful as him would just decide to take his own life. So I rush to his side, I hugged him and he did not even fight back. It was obvious that he was not ready to die yet. He just... He just badly wanted some help. He wanted someone who would listen to him and understand,”

“He cried in my embrace, telling me to not let him go, and I did just that. Since then, he started to view me as his saviour without realizing that he was the one who saved me... He saved me from my fear. The moment I saw his face... I was blinded by his beauty... And I just... I don't know what came to me but the fear of saving people from suicide disappeared,” Jongho was shocked. How can someone be afraid to save people from dying? Was it really possible to fear giving out help?

“Don't judge me, I have my reasons why I am afraid to help people who decided to take their own life... I made a promise to myself that I will never help those who doesn't want to be saved... Years ago I made that mistake... My mom, she... She attempted to take her own life by drowning herself in our bathtub. But before she could even lose consciousness, I came in and saved her. And that was the most terrible thing that I could have done to help her,”

“When we arrived to the hospital that day, a machine was immediately attached to her to help her breathe properly. It was an awful sight and even though she was having a hard time, she still muster up the courage to tell me why she decided to do what she did... I found out that dad abused her for so long. That motherfucker is dead now but I still don't forgive him for what he have done to my mom... My mom was so precious, she doesn't deserve that... I hate my father and I also hate my grandparents because they put all the blame to my mom when he died. All of them are fucking stupid, I fucking hate them,”

“I was so fucking frustrated about those information. I was so wrong, I made a huge mistake of choosing to save my mom when it's obvious that she badly needed to leave... I–I caused her more damage by meddling with her decisions... And then, the doctor came informing us that my mom would have to be breathing by using the machine for her entire life because her lungs have already consumed a lot of water,”

“I–I was so devastated. I don't know what to do. I just... I feel like everything was my fault. Mom was already going through so much and I added more pain to her by saving her from death... S–She... She told me that she doesn't want to live like that forever and wished that I should just let her rest because she's tired... N–No matter what I do, I still can't forget the look on her face when she was begging me to let her die. I–It still haunts me to this day.”

“Saving her was my biggest regret. If I didn't saved her then, I wouldn't have had saw her begging for death. If I didn't saved her then, she could've died on her own way... It was all my fault, Jongho! I was a fucker who cares about her too much that it resulted to giving her more pain before she died. I–I'm a fucking monster!”

Hongjoong felt his breath be taken away. Ugly tears continuously rolling down his cheeks as images of his mother flooded his mind. It make his heart clenched uncontrollably tight. 

Jongho moved to his side, pulling Hongjoong in his embrace. Hoping that his warmth could bring comfort to the older.

“I was afraid that I did the same mistake by saving Yeosang that night. But I'm glad that he proved me wrong. He have improved after that incident. He made me conquer my fear and I was so glad that I tried. He was my savior. He saved me from my thoughts, he saved me from my self.”

Jongho hugged him tighter, not caring about the judging look that the people inside the cafe gave them. All he wants is to cheer Hongjoong up and make him stop crying. Because seeing him cry hurts Jongho's heart in a way that he couldn't understand.

“What is your relationship with hyung?” Jongho asked. He knew that he shouldn't be asking that question because Hongjoong have told him about something more serious. But he just can't help it. He was so curious about their relationship.

“We're just friends. But as I've told you, he's so precious to me. He's so important to me. He's my everything.” Hongjoong said. A small smile making its way on his face. Jongho can't understand why he felt a pinched in his heart at the older's answer.

“I don't believe you. Friends don't do something like that. The way you look while talking about him, it feels like you like him. You care about him too much. What's holding you back from making a move?” Jongho asked, removing Hongjoong from his embrace and looking at him in the eyes.

“Ugh, fine. I like him. But, I can't make a move. He's not yet ready for a relationship. He has more important things to put his attention to. And he has gone through a lot. Relationships will just make his mind more of a mess than it already is... I can wait for him till eternity.” Hongjoong admitted, blush forming on his cheeks.

“Make your decision, Jongho. He's already here. If you're not ready to give your answer just yet, you can leave now.” Hongjoong said, pointing at the cashier.

“I'm ready.” The older nodded in understanding and stood up, telling Jongho to follow him.

“Hello! Welcome to– Jongho!” Yeosang yelled as he saw the younger, immediately making his way towards him. Jongho didn't waste a second, opening his arms to welcome his older brother in his embrace.

“Oh my God! I missed you so much! I missed you so so much, Jongho, you have no idea! I–I'm sorry for doing that! I–I'm sorry if I made you feel that way! I'm sorry if I was unfair! I–I'm sorry, Jongho! Y–You don't have to forgive me... B–But please, please don't disappear again. I–I can't live without you, I–I really can't. I'm sorry.” Yeosang sobbed, nuzzling his face closer to Jongho's chest while the younger rubbed comforting circles on his back to calm his down.

“I hate to interrupt your reunion but I think we should sit because it's getting awkward hugging in the middle of the cafe.” Hongjoong said with a chuckle.

“Don't worry, Yeo. Jin-hyung will understand.” He smiled and made his way to his and Jongho's place earlier, the two following behind him.

“Joongie-hyung, thank you.” Yeosang said with a smile.

“I told you, I'd do everything for you.” Hongjoong replied.

“Stop being cheesy. It's disgusting.” Jongho snorted. 

“So uhm, I'll start by apologizing to you, hyung. I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't know what came to me. I really didn't mean everything that I've told you. You're important to me, hyung. It was hard to be away from you again. But my pride really took over and maybe I was a little jealous because you always side with Mingi-hyung, you always take care of him the most, show him the most love and attention and I just you know, snapped.” Jongho said, scratching the back of his neck as the awkward silence took over. 

Yeosang smiled and held Jongho's hands in his, looking at the younger in the eyes. 

“It's okay, Jongho. You did nothing wrong. I should be the one to say sorry to you. I didn't know that I was being unfair. I thought you could handle yourself seeing how you became so strong through out the years of suffering. I shouldn't have jumped into conclusion without knowing how you feel.”

“I understand your reasons hyung. Hongjoong-hyung already explained everything to me... So now I completely understand that Mingi-hyung needs more love and attention than me. After all, I have two other siblings who can give me love, but Mingi-hyung only has you and I... So I'm sorry for what I said. I'll fix things up in no time, hyung. I promise you, I'll bring Mingi-hyung back.” Yeosang squeezes his hands, giving him a gentle smile and Jongho teared up. 

This is the first time that he saw Yeosang smile again after a long time and Jongho realizes how much he missed seeing his brother this happy. 

“Don't worry about Mingi. San-hyung can handle him.” Jongho brushed away his tears and looked at Yeosang with a confused expression. Since when did he and San made up?

“San? The asshole from the hospital?” Hongjoong suddenly spoke up, causing Yeosang's eyes to widen. Hongjoong knows San?

“What? Have you met him?” Yeosang questioned, narrowing his eyes at Hongjoong. 

“I've met him once at the hospital, you know like a month ago. That asshole is so full of himself, it's annoying. He insisted that he would pay for your hospital bill because a detective like me couldn't give out that much money that fast. I swear I would've punched his face if Jongho didn't stopped me.” Hongjoong said, hands clenching in fist at the memory. 

“He's always like that because he's above us. He owns the biggest construction company here in Seoul so he likes to brag about how rich he is. But he's a really good person. He helped me took care of Mingi and Jongho when I couldn't raise them by myself.” 

“Wait hyung, you said he can handle Mingi. Does that mean you already talked to him? A month ago you were so afraid to see him. What happened?” Jongho curiously asked, not noticing the way Yeosang's body tensed beside him.

“I was just not ready to see him again. He left me two months after you disappeared. He didn't exactly left me because he told me beforehand. But, my brain just couldn't process it. I was still not over your disappearance and then another person in my life will leave again so I was devastated and decided to not talk to him ever again.”

Yeosang lied. Despite what San did to him, he doesn't want Jongho to know what happened and he doesn't want Jongho to see the older as a bad person because no matter how disgusting he was, Yeosang still owe him his life because San has helped him give his brothers the ideal life that they deserved to have.

“But I really want Mingi back so I swallowed my pride and asked him for help because you weren't there to help me... I was losing my mind. If I don't do something, both of you will be gone. So I asked Hongjoong-hyung to talk to you and I asked San hyung to talk to Mingi.” Yeosang explained, looking down at the floor. 

“Hyung, I'm sorry. I promise I won't leave you again. I will do my best to bring Mingi-hyung back as soon as possible. Son overthink things please? We're gonna be complete again, the three of us. I promise you.” The older hugged Jongho tight, catching him off guard before wrapping his arms around the older.

Hongjoong looked at them in awe. He has never seen Yeosang this happy before. He was glad his smile was back. Wishing that it won't disappear again, because Yeosang deserves to be happy and to feel loved. 


	10. hongsang's first meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// implied attempted suicide

_**“Mom, I can't do that! That's crazy! I can't let you do that! I won't let you die! I'll do my very best to keep you alive! Even if I have to overwork myself just to keep you breathing then I'll gladly do that!”** Hongjoong firmly said. His mom had been begging him to let her rest permanently by removing the ventilator that is attached to her mouth. _

_Hongjoong's heart has been beating wildly and constantly clenching so so tight that it hurts to even take a single breath._

_He can't let that happen. He'd rather spend all his money to pay for her mom's hospital bill than to see her take her final breath in Hongjoong's will._

**_“Joong-ah, I–Im... in so much pain already... I–I don't want to stay any longer. I need to go... I need to rest... P–Please, Joong-ah. Please let me rest... I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life... I appreciate that you're willing to risk everything just to keep me alive. But Joong-ah, I'm tired. I want to rest forever... I'd rather die than to live like this while remembering every single thing that your father did to me... I'm gonna break, Joong-ah... I'll be in so much pain... So please, please let me go. Please let me rest.”_** _His mom pleaded, taking Hongjoong's hands in her's._

_Hongjoong looked at her, tears flooding his vision as she stared at her mom's pale figure. Hongjoong can see that she is tired. Hongjoong can see how much she have changed. He could see in her eyes how unhappy she was with her life. Her once lively and cheerful eyes now screamed for help, for freedom, for death. And Hongjoong doesn't want to give her that, at least not yet._

**_“Mom, I can't. I just... I can't do that! I can't! You're the only one that I have! I can save you, mom! I'll do everything to save you!”_ ** _Hongjoong yelled. He was so frustrated. He doesn't understand why his mom would choose to die as if she doesn't have anyone who cares for her, as if she doesn't have anyone who loves her, as if she doesn't have Hongjoong._

**_“Joong-ah, I know caring about people and helping them is a part of your nature... You have a very big heart... I–I know you couldn't ignore those people who were vulnerable... But Joong-ah, you need to understand that not everyone wants to be saved. You shouldn't meddle with other people's decision... You shouldn't try to help people who desperately needed to leave, to be free. Sometimes, not caring about people can be the best decision... So please, Joong-ah, please let me go. I'm ready. Please make up for your mistake. Put me to rest, Joong-ah. That's all I ask.”_ **

_That did it for Hongjoong, his tears flow freely to his cheeks. He lets go of his mom's hands and quickly went outside the room. He was so confused. Why is his mom being selfish? Why us she only thinking about herself? Why does she want to leave him?_

**_‘You need to understand that not everyone wants to be saved’_ **

**_‘You shouldn't try to help people who desperately needed to leave, to be free.’_ **

**_“Doctor. Please, I need a doctor_** ”

••••••••••••••••••••••

Hongjoong was walking through the dark streets. He shivered as he felt the cold night breeze hit his skin. He passed by Han river, stopping when he heard a sobbing noise. He turned his head side to side, searching for the owner of it in the dark. 

He looked for it for about a minute till he saw a figure. It's a man. No, it's a boy, a boy not older than 18, judging from his figure and his height. The boy was sitting on the bridge's railing, one second away from jumping. Memories from the past flashed through Hongjoong's head. He should help him, he should help the poor boy.

**_‘Joong-ah, you need to understand that not everyone wants to be saved’_ **

Should he run away? Should he just ignore the boy and pretend that he hasn't seen him if his body were to appear on the news the next day? 

Or should he just push aside all his fear and worry and ran towards him? Because Hongjoong knew very well that he could save him, he should save him.

**_‘Thank you, Joong-ah. Thank you for fulfilling my request. Thank you for finally letting me rest. I'm so happy, Joong-ah. Thank you.’_ **

Images of his mom's genuine smile after he agreed to let her die flooded Hongjoong's mind. He remembered how happy she was while taking her final breath. She was so happy, she was no longer in pain. So maybe, maybe Hongjoong needs to run away from this place and forget what he saw. Maybe the stranger badly wanted to leave, badly needed to rest just like his mom. And maybe Hongjoong really needs to stop caring too much. 

_**‘Sometimes, ignorance is the perfect decision.’** _

Maybe her mother was right. Maybe ignoring people wouldn't hurt him. So Hongjoong took a step away from his place but his body froze when he heard another sob coming from the stranger. Then a string of apologies left his mouth, body shaking as he desperately tried to keep his balance as to not fall in the water.

“I–I'm sorry, Mingi, I–I'm sorry, Jongho... I–I'm sorry I was weak... I–I'm sorry that I'll leave you behind without a proper goodbye... I'm sorry, Mingi, I–I'm so sorry I–I'm dirty... I'm sorry, Jongho, I'm sorry I couldn't wait for you to come back anymore.... I'm sorry, Seonghwa, your search for me will be useless... I'm sorry I wouldn't be able to fulfill my promise anymore I'm sorry.” The stranger cried harder. Throwing strings of apologies in the quiet night. 

Hongjoong's heart clenched impossibly tight at the broken cries that the stranger let out. If he wouldn't get out of there as soon as possible, he might make another mistake of helping someone who wants go be set free. 

So Hongjoong stared at the stranger's back for a long while, hearing his cries become louder and louder every second that passed. It was too much for Hongjoong, he felt his heart broke into pieces. He can't do this, he'll only hurt himself if he stayed much longer. 

He only realized that he had been staring for too long when the stranger turned around seemingly looking if someone was there. 

And oh, when Hongjoong saw the stranger's face, he felt his heart beat incredibly fast. Dear God, the stranger is beautiful, in fact too beautiful for a boy.

He might be the most beautiful person that Hongjoong have ever saw. But why was the stranger deciding to jump? It's a waste of a pretty face. He could be anything he wants to be with a visual like that so why would he waste it? Why? Hongjoong doesn't understand. 

When the stranger turned his attention back to the water, Hongjoong wasted no time in carefully storming towards him as to not startle the boy. He too was confused why his body was moving against his will. As if the trauma from helping people from dying suddenly disappeared.

He doesn't understand anything at this point. All he have in mind is to save the pretty stranger from commiting a sin. And if given a chance, Hongjoong would gladly take care of him. 

When he reached the stranger's place, he quickly but carefully wrapped his arms around the boy's body and pulled him towards his chest and away from the bridge. The stranger let himself be dragged away.

When they reach a street dim enough to not catch attention, Hongjoong let the boy go. He immediately moved away from Hongjoong and hugged his knees close to his chest while burying his head in his own arms.

Hongjoong looked at him in pity. What could've happened to the stranger for him to act like this? Hongjoong felt oddly curious. Was it because the stranger is pretty?

“Are you okay?” Hongjoong asked. Of course, the stranger kept quiet. Why would anyone ask a person who was literally a second from dying before if he was okay?

“I'm sorry, that was a stupid question. Uhm... Do you perhaps want to talk about it?” Hongjoong tried again. The stranger looked up and their eyes met. God, if he's good looking from afar then he certainly is ethereal up close. Hongjoong thinks he might pass out.

“Uhm... I'm a stranger so if you'll tell me your secrets or problems then nobody will know because I don't know anyone you know and you don't know mine. Plus, we'll probably never meet again. It can also help you release your frustrations.” Hongjoong said. The stranger nodded.

“Should we talk here or would you want to go somewhere more peaceful?” 

“L-Let's go to my house.” Hongjoong didn't expect the sudden answer. Why would he invite Hongjoong to his house? They just met not even five minutes ago.

“Are you sure? You don't know me. What if I'm a bad guy and decided to took advantage of your weakness?”

“Why would you be a bad guy when you dragged me away from death? And as you said, we're both strangers to each other, we don't know if we'll meet again. Hell I don't know if anything would change within me after our conversation. Plus, I've got nothing to lose anyway.” The stranger said, looking down again.

“You have a point. So shall we go now... Uhm...”

“Yeosang. My name is Yeosang.” Hongjoong smiled. Yeosang. what a pretty name for a pretty boy. 

“Hongjoong. I'm a detective so you can trust me.” Yeosang nodded once again.

•••••••••••••••••••••

“So uhm... As you can see, I'm a mess and so is my house. I-I'm sorry.” Yeosang said, scratching the back of his head shyly.

“It's okay, I don't mind. My house is more of a mess than yours." Hongjoong chuckled. 

“Okay... Uhm, would you want some juice?”

“No thank you, water is just fine.”

“O-Okay.” Yeosang stuttered and gave Hongjoong his water.

“You don't have to be so tense. I won't do anything to you, I promise. I don't have any weapons with me or anything that may hurt you so you should relax. This is your house after all.” Hongjoong gave him a reassuring smile. 

“So do you want to talk about it?” Hongjoong asked when Yeosang sat beside him.

“C-Can you... Can you uhm...” Yeosang stuttered, blush forming on his cheeks as he struggled to voice out what he wants.

“What? Can I shut up? I'm sorry if you don't want to talk about it. I won't push you. Maybe I should leave?” Yeosang panicked at that and grabbed Hongjoong's shoulders tightly.

“N-No! I didn't mean it that way. I just... I... Can you h-hold me?” Yeosang said. Blushing harder as Hongjoong chuckled.

“Of course.”

“Can we stay like this for a while? I–I don't think I'm ready to talk about it just yet. I just... Please hold me. I–I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be alone anymore.” Yeosang cried. Tears flowing down his cheeks uncontrollably. Hongjoong held him in his arms, brushing away the tears that doesn't seem to stop. Whispering reassuring words to help him feel better. Rubbing Yeosang's back in a soothing manner all the while he cried and snuggled further to Hongjoong's chest.

They stayed there for a while. Minutes turned to hours and hours but Hongjoong doesn't complain. He felt a strange attachment to Yeosang even though they only met a while ago and he couldn't be more happier. He saved Yeosang from death. He's there for Yeosang. He held him in his arms. He's the one who comforted Yeosang when he needed it the most. He felt honored to help the boy. 

He wanted nothing but to take care of him. He wanted nothing but to hold him. He wants to be with Yeosang. He wants to be Yeosang's shoulder to lean on. He wants to be able to comfort Yeosang when he feels down. He wants to be able to stay like this, to hold Yeosang while he sleeps. 

He's so proud of himself for being able to conquer his fear of helping people from death. He's proud of himself that he didn't runaway and let Yeosang waste his precious life. He's proud of himself for being the one that makes Yeosang feel safe.

Hongjoong thinks he can get used to this.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// non graphic-violence

Three months have quickly passed by. Inside those months, a lot have changed for Yeosang. After Jongho accepted his apology, finally understanding that the older was only worried about him and wants what's best for him, the younger made it up to him by coming back to their house and staying by Yeosang's side. Yeosang was happy because of that. He was so happy to finally have someone other than Hongjoong by his side. 

He finally muster up the courage to continue his everyday life. He was no longer sad and finally managed to focus more on his studies and his job to provide Jongho his daily needs. Hongjoong helped him with taking care of Jongho, giving him half of his salary to pay for Jongho's education because he doesn't want to bother Jongho's other brother. The oldest made a promise to take care of them both no matter what happens. 

Yeosang also gave San another chance though Yeosang will never forget what happened between them. Yeosang thinks San can change and he want to help him do that. At first it was tough because San's presence alone makes him feel sick and want to puke. But later on, he managed to deal with those kind of emotions. After several times of going out together to start over again and catch up for the whole year of being away from each other, Yeosang was finally comfortable. 

San was so happy about it that he never forget to thank Yeosang everytime they meet. The younger was happy because of all the change. But somehow, he still doesn't feel contented because there's still a piece of him that remains missing. He'd been wanting that piece to comeback for 4 months already. Jongho reassured him on those times, telling him to wait patiently as he is doing his best to convince Mingi to come back to them. But despite the youngest hard work, Yeosang still feels scared because Mingi isn't showing any signs of wanting to come back. 

Yeosang thinks Mingi's stubbornness have crossed the line. But somehow he tried to understand how Mingi felt and gave him space. He believes that only time can heal the wound in younger's heart. After all, he's being well taken care of by San. The older can take care of Mingi more than Yeosang can. San can give him everything he wants. He also lets him do everything he likes without limits. And most importantly, San makes Mingi feel loved more than Yeosang and Jongho can. And he thinks it might be the best thing he have done for the younger. 

But letting San take care of Mingi doesn't mean he'll stop trying to bring him back. Infact, he's more determined to convince the younger to comeback now because he's as stable as he has ever been. He's healthy and he have enough money to make him happy. He'll just have to find the right timing because Mingi's happiness matters the most.

Though Yeosang thinks he's happy in San's care, Mingi was anything but that. Infact, he's in a much more miserable state than his older brother. Yeosang has three people to go to when he's about to breakdown while all Mingi have is himself. He can't even tell San what he is feeling because he knows that he will never understand him. 

There is only one person who understands him, one person who knows him better than himself. And that is Yeosang. The older knows everything about him. He knows when Mingi is sad, happy or faking his feelings. He reads him like an open book and Mingi can't help but to miss the older everyday.

He cries himself to sleep, snuggling close to San's pillows wishing that it could be Yeosang instead. Yeosang who would let him tuck his head close to his chest, hugged him close, makes him feel small and protected despite him being taller. The older's fingers carding through his hair, humming to some songs that will help Mingi fall asleep faster. And when he wakes up, he'll find the older still by his side, looking at him with tired but happy eyes, caressing his face softly while asking if he slept well with a big smile on his face. 

Mingi misses all that. He wished he could go back to those times. He miss being in Yeosang's arms. He miss being with Yeosang. He knows what he said and did was wrong and that he should apologize to the older, but he doesn't know where to start. He has pushed him away for so many times already and the older last talked to him for about a month ago. Mingi wonders if the older have already given up on him because he was being difficult. He wonders if the older decided to just forget about him because he's not showing any signs of coming back. And those thoughts kills him inside everyday. 

He can't even focus at school because Jongho was there. The younger kept on bugging him, telling him to comeback, may it be at lunch, at the bathroom or anywhere in school. The desperation on the youngest face makes him feel bad. He wants to hold him and say sorry. He wants to tell him that he's coming back, but he can't bring himself to do it. His pride is much more powerful than his guilt and he hates himself for that.

Because of his pride, he was now left alone without comfort to have and no reassurance. Sometimes he can't help but wonder how he kept on living everyday despite feeling numb, and feeling dead inside. He can't even talk to people and it scares him. He feels like he's going insane because of the lack of human interaction. 

Mingi loves socializing, he loves being around people probably because he experienced being lock up in the basement most of the time when he was younger. Back then, he only has Jongho. The youngest always keeps Mingi company. Everytime that their father feels like it, he and Jongho will found themselves locked inside the basement of their house. And Mingi, despite being two years older than Jongho, easily cries and shows how afraid he is. So the youngest always makes sure to talk to him and keep him occupied until Yeosang finally got the keys to unlock the basement in the middle of the night.

You see, Yeosang was lucky enough to not be locked up in the basement as him and Jongho. And Mingi was so glad for that. Their father loves Yeosang the most. He cares for him the most. Gives him the most food, which would later be given to Mingi and Jongho secretly. Takes him out for a walk, buys him toys and ice cream, balloons, cotton candies and everything that a child would want to have. Their father also allows Yeosang to have friends while Mingi and Jongho aren't even allowed to take a step outside unless they're going to school. 

Yeosang also have the privilege of meeting both of their grandparents, actually all of their family members while Jongho and Mingi was being left aside, clearly being excluded from the family. But Yeosang never made him felt that way, he never made him feel like he was excluded. He knows Jongho felt that way too because Yeosang always makes sure to give them attention. He always makes sure to give them the love taht they deserved. He always cares about them, puts them first and treats them better. A hundred times better than how their father treats them. 

However as they grow older, their father's treatment hasn't changed. Infact, it became worse. Before, he would just left them inside the basement until the guest or family members have left but when Mingi turned 16 and Jongho turned 14, Their father would lock them in there for a few days, without food or water. 

Yeosang would try his very best to get them out of there as soon as his father locked them in. He would kick the door or use his body to try and open it. The oldest never gives up on trying to save them from dying because of starvation and dehydration. He would try anything to get them out which ostly takes up to 24 hours. But If Yeosang was lucky enough to find the key, then they would just have to wait until their father goes to work or sleep so they could get out. 

Eventually when Yeosang turned 18, the oldest decided to take the matter to his own hands. He can't stand seeing his brothers be dragged and locked up in the basement nor see them get beaten up for some stupid accusation that their father made up. 

The oldest confronted their father and told him that he would want to move out because he's old enough to take care of himself. And also because he hates the idea of taking business management as a course in college. Of course their father disagreed because Yeosang is the only one who could handle his company if he were to die someday. But Yeosang stood by what he wanted. He told him that he wants to be a lawyer, not to be some business man like their father who only cares about money. 

Their father lashed out because of that, he grabbed Mingi's much smaller frame then, threatening Yeosang that he would hurt the younger if he continue saying such stupid things. Yeosang didn't show any signs of being afraid, he didn't even flinch when his father tightened his grip on Mingi's neck. 

However, despite his cool composure, he was shouting as he speaks, telling their father how much of a monster had he become and that he hated him for hurting his brothers, telling him that he doesn't see him as a father anymore. That must've been the breaking point for their father because moments later, Mingi felt himself be taken away from his father's grasp. 

Their father walked towards his room, shouting back at them, telling them that they will not get a single penny from him. Not that Yeosang would take something from him though. If anything, Yeosang wants to erase everything that reminds him of his father. He even contemplated of changing his surname but that would have to wait until he was finally wealthy enough to handle it. 

Yeosang told them to pack up because they were leaving the hell house, finally. Mingi was finally free after 17 years of being imprisoned inside his own home. It was too good to be true. A few seconds ago he was roughly being dragged by his father then another he was out of the house, running on the streets in the middle of the night, without a single care in the world. He was now free and he have Yeosang and Jongho with him. He wouldn't ask for more.

They found themselves at San's house at around 1am. Yeosang was practically begging San to let his brothers stay the night even without him. He was okay to sleep on the streets as long as Jongho and Mingi have a roof over their head and some food to make up from how they were being starved. Yeosang pleaded with all his might, he even went further by kneeling in front of San just to let him and Jongho stay.

After that night, they made their way to their grandparents house. Their mother's parents were very kind and loving and accepted the brothers with a big smile on their faces. And for the first time, Mingi felt complete, he finally had the chance to feel how nice it is to be loved by someone other than Yeosang and Jongho, and he loves it. Yeosang was so happy that Mingi and Jongho were finally free. He was proud that he stood by his decision. 

But Mingi, no matter how happy he is to feel the freedom, can't help but to feel bad for the older because the track that Yeosang have chosen was far from how he was used to. The oldest was used to being taken care of, he was used to living in a big house, watching tv and surfing the net non-stop, not caring about anything, money or food. Yeosang told him that leaving all those behind was nothing compared to how he made Mingi and Jongho happy. He was okay as long as Mingi and Jongho were out of danger and living the life that they deserved. 

And That's why he loves Yeosang so much. He admires him so much to the point that the older is the only one he sees as the good one. Yeosang sacrificed all the luxury that he has just to keep Mingi and Jongho safe. And Mingi thinks he owe him his life. 

From then on, he never felt lonely. However sad he may be, as long as he's with Yeosang and Jongho, he was okay and contented. 

But everything has changed because of how stubborn he was. Now Mingi is all alone, lost inside the darkness in his own mind. Walking out of the school in daze, eyes fixed on the ground. He doesn't care about what would happen to him, if he gets hit by a car, if he stumbles or bump into someone. He's just so lost, so alone, not knowing where to go. 

He bumped into someone on the way, head on the strangers chest. He earned a shout from the stranger but his eyes never left its look on the ground, not caring about how loud and angry the stranger's voice sounds. 

“What the fuck are you doing!? Are you so stupid that you can't even fucking walk without bumping into someone!?” The stranger sounded mad but weirdly enough, Mingi doesn't say anything because he thinks he deserves it and saying that he's sorry won't make any differences.

“Are you fucking deaf!? Are you just gonna stay looking at the ground forever or would you say sorry so we can fucking get this over with!?” The stranger shouted once again. Mingi ignored him and started to move away from the stranger, but before he could go any further, he felt a hand grabbed his wrist.

“You're a fucking disrespectful brat. I already had a fucking bad day and you just came out of nowhere and bumped to me then all of a sudden you will leave without even saying sorry!? You are pissing me off!” The stranger's grip on his wrist tightened and before he could react, he felt a fist colliding to his face. The blow was so powerful that Mingi lost his balance and fell to the ground. He stayed there motionless. His brain still hasn't registered what just happened. 

“This should teach you a fucking lesson.” He heard the stranger threatened him before he feels another blow straight to his stomach. The pain shoots to every part of his body and he feels so weak. He clutches his stomach tight and coughs out blood. But before his body can even recover, he felt a kick on his back and then another and another.

When he Mingi realizes that the stranger won't just end things quickly, he just layed there and let himself be a punching bag once again. Mingi thinks its his fate to be beaten up and be alone, to be treated like trash. Maybe he deserves it for ruining everything. Maybe he deserves to die by the hands of the stranger, silently thanking him for beating him up like he deserves. 

Mingi thinks about how Yeosang would have less of a burden to carry on his back if he dies and maybe, that would be the best thing that could happen.

He feels his system shutting down, smiling contentedly as he lets the darkness consume his vision.


	12. Chapter 12

_“What the fuck do you want now!?”_

_“Hyung chill-”_

_“Just tell me what you want. I'm in a public place for fucks sake.”_

_“Okay, okay. I kinda uhm... I kinda beat up some random guy from the school where Jongho goes. Well... maybe not a random guy, but uhm... I'll explain it to you later, hyung. Just pick me up please. We need to bring him to the hospital before he dies.”_

_“Before he what? Are you fucking kidding me!?”_

_“I'm not! I kinda did a number on him though.”_

_“I swear to God your anger management just keep on getting worse... Wait for me there, I'm on my way.”_

_“His name is Song Mingi by the way. I figure that if he goes to the same university as Jongho then you might know him, and you can figure out if I... you know, fucked up big time?”_

_“I don't fucking know a Song Mingi. Just open your location, I'm gonna get you.”_

••••••••••••••••••

Hongjoong was walking to a mall, thinking of buying Yeosang something that would take his mind off of things. Three months have passed and Yeosang, though still not well, have been slowly improving. But his coping mechanism isn't the best. 

Yeosang pushes himself passed his own limits just so he could forget about what happened between him and Mingi. He studies too hard and drains himself by working overtime. He's exhausting himself to forget. Sometimes he'll just suddenly stop what he was doing and stares blankly. It worries Hongjoong to an extent specially if it takes too long to bring him back. 

So Hongjoong decided to stop by a mall and buy some stuffs for Yeosang. Some stuffs that Hongjoong hope will help keep Yeosang busy for even just a day. He plans on buying him a skateboard, because Yeosang mentioned before that he always wanted to try skateboarding as he didn't have the chance to try it when he was young. 

He also plans on taking him to a park for a date, sitting on the ground while he watches Yeosang skate. He'll wait until Yeosang gets exhausted and decides to sit down to eat chicken with him. 

But that would have to wait because today is friday and Yeosang's shift will end in 5 hours. Hongjoong thinks skating at night is dangerous so his plans might be postponed for now. 

Hongjoong decided that he's just going to buy Yeosang chicken after he's done buying a skateboard, because that always help to lighten up Yeosang's mood. 

Then later, they can go for a night walk at the park. It could even be considered as their first date since Hongjoong have officially started to court Yeosang about a week ago. They were at Han river that night, admiring the dim lights from the city and the calming sound of the water from below. 

Hongjoong remembered their first meeting. Feeling nostalgic as he hugged Yeosang from behind. He remembered how he dragged Yeosang away from that place. He remembered how he threw away his fear just to save Yeosang. And he's so glad that he made the right choice. He's so glad that he had saved Yeosang and he has him now, between his arms, snuggled to his chest. Hongjoong remembered how scared Yeosang was back then. He remembered how Yeosang was scared to let him go despite knowing him for only a moment. He remembered how the younger trusted him. Now, the results are showing, Yeosang was now improving because of his help. 

It makes Hongjoong's heart clench in a good way. He loves holding Yeosang like this. He loves being the big spoon. He loves to make Yeosang feel safe and sound. He loves Yeosang. 

Hongjoong have never loved anyone before Yeosang. He was too indulged on taking care of his mother when she was still alive. He drowned himself to his work (as much as Yeosang does) just so he could repay everything that his mother have given him. He swore to himself that he will never have a lover until he's done fulfilling his role as a son to his mother.

But everything changed when his mom died and he met Yeosang not long after. The younger was too adorable, too perfect for this world. The more they spend time together, the more Hongjoong falls in love. And now that Yeosang gave him permission to court him, Hongjoong promised that he will take good care of the younger. He promised that he would love him with all his heart and be with him 'till eternity.

Hongjoong snapped out of his thoughts when the elevator opened. He saw a familiar figure, not anyone in particular that Hongjoong knew personally, but rather someone famous, too famous to ignore. Hongjoong contemplated whether he would go in or just take the stairs. But somehow the man smiled and gestured for Hongjoong to step in, which he gladly did.

Not even a floor up and the man's phone ring. Hongjoong didn't mean to listen to whatever they were talking about but how could he not when the elevator space is so small?

“What the fuck do you want now!?” The man hissed. Hongjoong's eyes widened. He didn't expect that man to have that kind of voice let alone sound so mad at whoever he was talking to. 

“Just tell me what you want. I'm in a public place for fucks sake.” Hongjoong could tell that the man was losing his patience but still tries to stay calm as he have an image to protect. And yes, being mad and throwing away his patience in a public place would ruin it. 

“Before he what!? Are you fucking kidding me?” Whatever it is that they are talking about must be something serious for this calm and collected man to lose his composure. Hongjoong can't help but to be curious. No one can't blame him though, he's a detective, it's his nature to be curious about things.

“I swear to God your anger management just keep on getting worse... Wait for me there, I'm on my way.” The elevator opened, though Hongjoong would be going to the 4th floor of the mall, he decided that he would just follow the man because maybe he can help him about what was happening. 

“I don't fucking know a Song Mingi. Just open your location, I'm going to pick you up.” Hongjoong's body stiffened. Mingi? Did this man just mentioned Mingi? 

“Excuse me sir!” Hongjoong called. Of course the man didn't turn around. Why would he? There's too many people around them for him to know if Hongjoong was calling him. 

“Sir! Sir from the elevator!” Hongjoong shouted once again. Not risking to call the man by his name as that would attract lots of attention from people. And that is the least thing that Hongjoong wants. He's sure the man doesn't want it too if the way he puts his hoodie over his eye while wearing a sunglass and a black face mask is how you put it. 

“I need to talk to you privately, can you follow me?” Hongjoong asked as he reached the spot in front of where the man stopped.

“I'm sorry but I can't. I really need to go. There's an emergency outside of work so if you'll excuse me, I need to go to the parking lot to find my car and hurry up so I can fetch up my brother real quick.” The man hissed. But Hongjoong isn't the one to give up. Specially now that Mingi is involved.

“Great! I need to find my car too, we can talk on the way.” Hongjoong said. Of course he doesn't have his car with him. But one lie isn't bad, right?

“Listen. If you're some kind of a reporter or a paparazzi, I'm not going to play nice.” The man threatened him. Hongjoong just laugh and patted the man's back, signaling him to keep moving. 

“Don't worry, I'm not any of that. I'm detective Kim Hongjoong. I just want to talk to you about somethings.” The man hummed and started to walk faster with Hongjoong following behind.

When they reached the parking lot, Hongjoong finally got the chance to talk.

“I didn't mean to listen to your conversation earlier but the elevator is too small so I overheard it.” He started. The man hummed, urging Hongjoong to continue.

“I heard that you mentioned Song Mingi. I'm his friend, may I know what happened to him?” The man's body stiffened but Hongjoong doesn't seem to notice because he was so lost in his thoughts. 

“Oh, my brother told me that he found your friend knocked out on the streets. From the sound of it, I think he was badly beaten up because my brother was panicking and his voice was shaking.” Hongjoong took a moment to understand what the man just said. Fuck. Mingi is in danger. Should he call Yeosang? Or should he just hide this from him for now to not stressed him up even more? Hongjoong doesn't know what to do. 

“Follow me and I'll take you to where they are.” The man said as he made his way to the driver's seat. Hongjoong got in the passenger side, uncaring about the confused stare of the man. He was so lost in his thoughts, trying to convince himself that Mingi is fine. So the man just let it slide and started driving. 

•••••••••••••••

When they arrived to the place where Mingi was, Hongjoong immediately got out of the car and sprinted towards the quiet side of the street. There he saw Mingi laying limp, head on the lap of a stranger. He has bruises and cuts all over his body that were exposed. His eyes were puffy, blood all over it, his nose were bleeding too. Hongjoong was sure that if he didn't saw the way Mingi's brows knitted together in pain, he would've thought that he was dead. But thank heavens he's still breathing.

“Please, sir. Help me bring him to the hospital. Please.” Hongjoong begged. The man had an eye contact with his brother for a while before he nodded. He and his brother both carried Mingi to the back of the car where Hongjoong sat. He carefully cradled Mingi's head to his lap, patting his hair lightly as if he was afraid that one wrong move will cause Mingi more pain. 

“Hold on, Mingi. Please hold on just a little bit more.” Hongjoong whispered. Mingi let out a little cry and spoke, voice cracking as a sob made its way out of his throat. 

“H-Hyung... I-I n-need hyung. I-I w-want my h-hyung.” Mingi said in between sobs, gripping Hongjoong's hand tight.

“Shh, Mingi. I'm here.” Hongjoong assured him. But Mingi shook his head, letting out a small whimper.

“N-No... I-I w-want my h-hyung... I n-need Yeosang-hyung. P-Please.” Mingi managed to speak what he has in mind before he felt another pain in his stomach. He cried harder, pushing his face further into Hongjoong's lap.

“Did you say Yeosang? As in Kang Yeosang?” The man spoke. Hongjoong was startled. How did this man know Yeosang? The younger is not the sociable type, so how could this man possibly know Yeosang?

“Uhm... Yes. Why? Do you know him?” 

“Yes. He's an old friend of mine from high school to college but we lost connections. I'd love to reach out to him again though. He's fun to hang out with back then, I wonder how he was doing right now.” Hongjoong didn't like the sound of that. Usually he would feel happy if he finds out that Yeosang has friends beside him and San but this man makes Hongjoong feel uneasy. 

“We're here. My brother will help you get him inside. I can't stay any longer because I have a meeting to attend to. I know it's already late to be having a meeting but money should come first right?” Hongjoong only hummed and helped Mingi to get up, handing him over to the stranger before going out to place Mingi's hand on his shoulder to support him. 

“I'll be back later, I promise to pay everything. I'm sure you can't risk paying hospital bills with a detective's money.” The man said, smirking. Hongjoong bit back a mean comment as he believes that he owes this man for helping him bring Mingi to the hospital. His cocky attitude is annoying but at least he helped them. 

“Thanks for the help uhm... Mr C.E.O” Hongjoong said, flashing the best smile that he could muster.

“Oh please, you don't have to be so formal.” The man chuckled and Hongjoong raised a brow.

“What should I call you then?” Hongjoong asked, annoyance showing in his voice.

“Seonghwa. Park Seonghwa.”


	13. flashback//seonghwa

Seonghwa's life changed the moment Yeosang ran away from him. 

_Why?_

_Why_ did Yeosang choose to leave than to stay with him? He could forgive him. He could forget what he saw if only Yeosang insisted to fix it and apologize. But _why_ did he choose to runaway and leave Seonghwa by himself? _Why_ was he so selfish?

Was it because Seonghwa shot him? He clearly deserves it, right? What he did to Yeosang wasn't even enough payment to what the younger have done to him. It wasn't even enough to fix the wound in Seonghwa's heart. So _why_? Just _why_?

A familiar voice pushed him out of his dazed state. The voice was so near, so familiar yet he couldn't determine who the owner of the voice was.

“Hyung! Hyung, why weren't you answering your phone!? We were so worried! It's a good thing that you left your location open! What if we-” The owner of the voice stopped as soon as he took a look of his surroundings and saw what Seonghwa is holding, his eyes widened and he suddenly forgot how to speak.

“Take me home.” Seonghwa whispered.

“Hyung, w-what is this? W-Why are you holding a gun? W-Why are there so many blood on the floor? What did you do?” Too many questions. Seonghwa was losing his mind. Too many questions, one answer. _Yeosang._ _Kang Yeosang._

“For fucks sake, Yunho! I said take me home! Call mom and let her take care of this. She knows what to do. Just please, take me home. I'm tired.” Seonghwa snapped. The man- Yunho nodded and guided Seonghwa to the car, giving his jacket to the older. As soon as the both of them are sat inside with Seonghwa on the passenger side, Yunho started driving. 

“You will never talk to anybody about this or I'm telling mom to disown you, do you understand me?” Seonghwa threatened, putting the now unloaded gun to his pocket.

“Yes, hyung. But please, can I... May I know what really happened?” Yunho asked in a small voice, scared to anger his brother more.

“Just... failed relationship. I caught him cheating and I lashed out and shot him.” Seonghwa admitted. Yunho tilted his head as if trying to understand what Seonghwa said. _Him?_

“Yes. My lover is a He. Are you disgusted?” Seonghwa asked. They looked at each other for a short while before Yunho shook his head.

“Hyung, you can love anyone regardless of the gender. Love can never be wrong.” Yunho stated, looking back at the road.

“But maybe I was wrong. And even if I'm not, then why did he cheated?” Seonghwa asked, voice shaky as he look out the window.

“Then it's his fault, not yours. Maybe you're too good for him, hyung. And maybe you deserve someone better, maybe even the best.” Yunho reassured him, a little smile plastered on his face. 

“But I only want him. I'll find him eventually. I won't let him live his life happily if I'm not a part of it.” Seonghwa stated darkly. The younger just shook his head and chuckled.

“My older brother really wants to have his way over everything, huh?” Yunho fake a sigh and they both laugh. 

Yunho knows how crazy his brother can get over something that he wants. The older will never let something he desire go to waste. He will do whatever it is in his power to have what he want and to never let it go. He could only hope for the poor unlucky soul to escape safely and to never crossed paths with his brother again or else his life will be a living hell. 

“Of course. I have all the power in the world to have everything I want. Including him. No matter where he goes, I'll eventually find him. I'll never let him be happy forever. He's mine, I'll bring him back to me, soon.” Seonghwa grinned. Yunho nodded his head and agreed, telling his brother _'I'll help you bring him back'_ which made the older's grin grow bigger. 

_‘Yes. Just wait for me, I'll bring you back in no time, Yeosang. You are mine.’_

•••••••••••••••••

The next day, Seonghwa went to work as if nothing happened. He'll let Yeosang be free for a short while and then he'll find him and ruin his life, just like how he ruined Seonghwa's. He will make him beg for his life. He will make him apologize, make him beg for forgiveness, make him cry because of pain so that he will feel how much he hurt Seonghwa. He'll make him suffer. _He'll make him pay._

“Excuse me, sir. A guy that goes by the name, Jung Wooyoung, wants to see you, but he doesn't want to schedule an appointment. Should I let him in or tell him that you're busy?” His secretary politely asked. 

“He's my friend, let him in.” The secretary nodded and went fo fetch Wooyoung. 

Seonghwa furrowed his eyebrows when Wooyoung entered his office. The younger looks bad, the bags under his eyes were so visible as if he haven't slept for a week. His hair was all messy and his eyes were red and puffy. His cheeks were tear stained as if he cried all night.

“Hyung.” Wooyoung called him, voice hoarse. Seonghwa gestured for his secretary to leave and lock the door to which his secretary complied. 

Once the secretary was out of the room, Wooyoung immediately made his way to Seonghwa. He straddled the older and sat on his lap, putting his head on Seonghwa's chest. 

“H-Hyung... S-San... San isn't answering my calls... H-He... H-Hyung... I went to his house a-and he wasn't there... His neighbors told me that he left first thing in the morning with someone, bringing everything with him... They said that someone w-was in a bad state and h-he was begging San to go with him... H-hyung that someone was... _Yeosang_.” Wooyoung managed to tell him everything in between sobs but his voice broke as he mentioned Yeosang's name. 

Seonghwa's expression darkened. _So that's why._ That's the reason why he choose to leave him. He can't help but to feel mad. Yeosang left him to runaway with San, Seonghwa's best friend. He felt sad, hurt, angry and betrayed. How can they do this to him? How can they do this to Wooyoung? Sweet little Wooyoung have nothing to do with what's going on. Why do they have to include him into their mess? 

“H-Hyung... He left me for him... H-He left me for my best friend. I-I... Hyung I can't.” Hearing Wooyoung's broken voice, trying to say something through sobs makes his heart clench. He doesn't deserve this, Wooyoung doesn't deserve this.

“Don't worry, Wooyoungie. I'm here, I'll be here with you. We'll make them pay. I'll make sure to make them pay. We'll find them soon, Wooyoungie. We'll take revenge.” Seonghwa said, running his hand to Wooyoung's hair in order to calm him down. He'll make sure to never let Wooyoung cry because of this again. He'll make sure that the next time that the younger will cry is from happiness. From happiness of seeing Yeosang and San in a miserable state. He'll make sure of that. 

_‘Kang Yeosang, I'll give you hell.’_


	14. Chapter 14

“Where is Mingi!? Where is Song Mingi!?” Yeosang asked in panic as he reached the hospital. Hongjoong called him not even an hour ago, telling him that he should go to the closest hospital from Mingi's school. The older's voice was shaky and scared, Yeosang thought that something really bad must've happened for the normally composed Hongjoong to fall apart. 

Yeosang wasted no time and left the cafe without even saying goodbye to his manager. He doesn't know what happened, why was the Hongjoong so nervous? Why was he so broken and scared?

Another call was made and the next thing he knew, he was fastly driving to his desired destination, he needed to be there as fast as he could.

When he reached the hospital, he was practically shouting, begging for the nurses and doctors' attention. He was shaking and sweating all over. He can't help but to feel anxious. It didn't help when Hongjoong told him that the reason he called is because of Mingi. The older said that his brother is in a bad state, that his precious brother is badly injured. His heart clenched so tight, Yeosang is sure he's going to pass out if he will not see Mingi for the next 5 seconds. 

“Sir, please calm down. We won't understand you if you keep on panicking and rambling incoherent words.” A nurse who approached him said. Yeosang held the nurse's arms, looking at her with pleading and desperate eyes.

“I'm sorry. I just- Is there a boy who was brought here not even an hour ago? He- He's six feet tall, has a fluffy hair, and is possibly wearing an eye glasses? His name is Mingi- Song Mingi. Please tell me he was brought here. I need to see him! I need to see him now!” Yeosang demanded. His hands were squeezing the nurse's arms, making her wince in pain. 

“Yeosang! Let her go!” Hongjoong shouted as he saw what Yeosang was doing. He was causing a scene in the middle of the hospital, it will be bad for his future reputation as a lawyer. 

“I'm sorry, ma'am. I can handle this.” Hongjoong bowed in front of the nurse before grabbing Yeosang's wrist and practically dragging him away. 

“What were you thinking!? If you were a lawyer by now, you're reputation will be ruined! Next time, think first before creating a scene in front of so many people!” Hongjoong scolded as they successfully arrived outside of Mingi's room. Yeosang muttered an apology, looking down at the floor and avoiding eye contact. Hongjoong sighs and placed a comforting hand to the younger's back. 

“I know you are worried sick about Mingi, but please think about yourself too. Please never do something like that again.” Yeosang looked at him with broken and teary eyes before he nodded.

“I'm sorry, hyung. I just.... I just want to know if he's okay.” 

“Then go check up on him. He's in there, he's been waiting for you. Don't worry Yeo-Yeo, everything will be alright.” Hongjoong reassured him. 

“I'll take my leave now, I have work to do. Call me if you need me, okay?” With that, Hongjoong left. 

Yeosang faced the door of Mingi's hospital room. Placing a hand on the handle of a door have never made him felt this nervous before. He was so scared, he doesn't know what to expect. He isn't sure if he can handle seeing his younger brother, his precious Mingi in such a bad state again. He has protected him ever since they left their father's house. He promised Mingi that he wouldn't let him get hurt again, but he failed. And oh, he couldn't imagine how scared Mingi must've felt.

Finally gathering up the courage to see his brother, Yeosang opened the door slightly, peeking through the small gap. What he saw next made his heart crack. Mingi was laying on the hospital bed with bruises all over his face and the part of his body that isn't covered by the hospital gown that he was wearing. His face was tearstained, just like how he always was before when they were at their father's custody. 

“Whoever did this to you, I'll make them pay.” Yeosang mumbled under his breath before entering the room. 

He saw an unfamiliar figure inside, talking to Mingi in a threatening matter. 

Yeosang dashed in front of the much taller figure, looking up at him with eyes full of rage.

“It's you, isn't it? You were the one who did this, right?” Yeosang asked firmly.

“What? How dare you accused someone that you don't even know?” The boy answered, chuckling in annoyance at the way Yeosang approached him. 

“Come on. Mingi can fight those people that he can go against and you certainly isn't one of those. And if it isn't you who did this, then you must be apart of it.” Yeosang dabbed a finger on the stranger's chest, pushing him backwards. Yeosang may be small but he certainly can put up a fight if he's mad.

“What's going on here?” A strangely familiar voice suddenly said. 

Yeosang felt his body stiffened. _No._ It can't be. He's dreaming. This can't possibly be real. Is it really him? Is he really here? Is it really the end for Yeosang? _No._ It's just an illusion. He was just tired. He was just hallucinating.

As scared as he was, Yeosang still chose to turn around slowly to make sure that his thoughts were right, that this isn't happening. That the voice that he heard just now was just a cause of his imagination. 

But when he turned around and met the eyes of the owner of the voice, Yeosang felt his body shake and tremble in fear. He was wrong, this _isn't_ a dream. He's right here. He _finally_ found him. The _chase_ is finally over.

_“Long time no see, my Yeosang.”_


	15. Chapter 15

“S-Seonghwa? W-What are you doing here?” Yeosang stuttered as he looks at the man in front of him. It's Seonghwa. It really is _him_.

“Nuh-ah, Yeosang. I asked you a question first. Wouldn't want me to make you regret not answering again now, do you?” Seonghwa said, stepping closer to Yeosang, putting a finger under his chin. 

“W-What are you doing!? Don't touch me!” Yeosang hissed, taking a step back and away from Seonghwa. The older chuckled and went towards the other figure in the room. 

“Now Yunho, if he won't tell me what's going on here, I supposed I'll have to ask you instead... What happened while I was gone?” Seonghwa asked. Yeosang visibly gulped when he heard yet another chuckle coming from the other- Yunho, and avoided eye contact with him.

“He entered the room moments ago and proceeded to shout at me, blaming me for whatever happened to Mingi.” Yunho shrugged, a playful smile displayed on his face.

“Because I know it's true! I just know that you did this to him! That you're the one who put him in such a miserable state!” Yeosang shouted in defense. He didn't like where this is going. He doesn't want to start a fight. But seeing how bruised up Mingi is while laying on the hospital bed made something inside of him want to crawl out and take revenge. 

“Yeosang, Do you even hear yourself? You're spitting some kind of nonsense. Why are you accusing Yunho of something that he didn't even have the heart to do? Boy can't even hurt a fly.” Seonghwa asked. He's trying so hard to hide the smile that is itching to form on his face. 

Seeing Yeosang like _this_ , so mad yet so broken after many years of searching for him, gives him some kind of satisfaction. This is exactly how he _wants_ Yeosang to be for the rest of his life. He _wants_ him broken, unable to think straight and just overall miserable. 

He'll have to thank Yunho later for doing this. Even though it is merely a coincidence, his brother still fulfilled his promise of helping Seonghwa find Yeosang and he's so fucking proud that Yunho did all of that without even trying hard.

“What are you even doing here in the first place, Seonghwa? Why are you fucking interfering in this situation?” Yeosang firmly asked, his eyes are shooting daggers at Seonghwa. _Interesting._

“I'm here because Yunho called me earlier. He told me that there is an emergency involving one of his friends. He was panicking, because his friend was badly injured and he needed to take him to the hospital. Yunho helped that boy. He saved his life. He's just being a good friend and yet here you are, appearing out of nowhere and accusing him out of something without any rightful evidence.” Seonghwa explained, smiling as he saw how dark Yeosang's eyes were. 

The look on Yeosang's eyes makes him want to laugh. The younger looks like he wants to rip Seonghwa's throat. But of course he won't do that because he _can't_. No matter how hard he try to act tough, he still can't hurt Seonghwa. Because he _knows_ him well. He knows that this is the same old Yeosang. _Weak_ and _Pathetic_. Seonghwa _can't_ wait to have him in his arms again.

“Seonghwa, please. If you're going to lie, at least make it more believable.” He chuckled, turning to face Yunho.

“And you, whoever the fuck you are, if you ever come close to Mingi again, I swear to fucking God, I'll be the one to put you to jail and you're going to fucking rot there! Mark my words.” Yeosang spit out. He won't lie, he's so scared. He wants to run and hide or just pass out and get Seonghwa's face out of his sight. But he needs to act tough for Mingi. He _needs_ to be strong for his precious brother.

“Yeosang, are you kidding me? Why are you appearing out of nowhere to downright accuse someone you just met? Oh wait. _That's_ what you _always_ do. Accusing innocent people of something that they did not intend to do. Hmm... What a good way to welcome me back.”

“The last time we saw each other, you were accusing Yeonjun of something, and now you have the nerves to accuse Yunho? Is that really who you are? Is that the side that you kept hidden for so many years? Come on, Yeosang. Tell me, is it really your _true_ color?” In a blink of an eye, Seonghwa is once again all over Yeosang's personal space.

He _can't_ breathe. His body feels so hot, his chest feels so tight. He's certain that he will past out any minute by now. He can't do this. He doesn't want to act tough any longer. He knows that he probably look pathetic right now, looking down and avoiding eye contact with Seonghwa. 

Unfortunately for Yeosang, the older didn't like his actions. He took Yeosang by the chin again, placing a finger under it, tipping his head up a little to force the younger to look into his eyes. He smirked, leaning closer to Yeosang, his ego inflating as he saw how the younger gulped nervously. But before he can do anything, he felt his hand being slapped away from the younger's face.

“Don't fucking touch me! You have _no_ rights to touch me!” Yeosang yelled once again. He walked towards Mingi's side, taking his brother's hand in his. Mingi looked up at him, scared and broken. Yeosang smiled at him reassuringly, massaging Mingi's knuckles before bringing it close to his lips and kissing it. Mingi smiled and held Yeosang's hand tighter. 

Seonghwa didn't like that. He doesn't know who this boy is but he is getting on his nerves. _Who_ is he? Why is Yeosang looking at him like he is the whole universe? Yeosang should only look at him like that, not anyone, not even this boy. Seonghwa wants to get _rid_ of him. 

“Since both of you doesn't want to admit the fucking _disgusting_ thing that you did, I'll just ask Mingi myself.” Yeosang spoke again, effectively cutting off Seonghwa's thoughts. 

“Mingi-ah, tell me the truth. You don't know how to lie, right? You have never lied before. So tell me, is he the one who did all of these to you?” Mingi was hesitant at first. He can feel the stares of the other two people in the room and it scares him. But then he felt Yeosang squeezed his arms softly. As if telling him that it's okay because he is _finally_ there. he's _still_ there, like always. He's going to protect him like how he protected him so many times before. 

“Come on, Mingi. You can tell me everything. Don't be scared, I'm here. I'll be right here. I'll only believe in you. So please, answer my question. Is he the one who beat you up?” Yeosang asked once again. But this time, Mingi didn't hesitated to nod, closing his eyes as tears fell down from it, staining his bruised face.

“Wow, Seonghwa. It's been years and you haven't changed a bit. You're still a fucking liar. You even have the nerves to show up here and cover up for this, whoever this is, for what he have done. Do you want this kid to end up like you? Too bad for him then. He's going to end up being as _pathetic_ as you.” Yeosang stated. Honestly, he was really proud of himself. He didn't even know where his confidence is coming from but it feels right. It just feels right to finally defend himself in front of Seonghwa.

“You're _crossing_ the fucking line, Yeosang!” Seonghwa said through gritted teeth. He'll make Yeosang regret this. 

“ _Wow! How_ am I the one who crossed the fucking line? Who the fuck in their right mind would pull a stranger from the streets to turn them into a punching bag? Is it me? Who in here is so desperate to fucking cover up a shitty thing that his companion did? Is it me!?” Yeosang snarled.

That was the last straw. Seonghwa didn't waste any time. He stride towards Yeosang and throws a fist to his face, effectively making the younger fall and hiss in pain. 

“Hyung!” Mingi shouted.

He immediately rushed towards Yeosang's side, holding his face only to see some blood on his lip. Mingi can't help but to feel guilty. This is is all because of him. Yeosang is hurt because of standing up for him. If only he wasn't weak then they won't be here in the first place.

“Why the fuck are you acting like that, Yeosang!? Aren't you one of those people who don't care about others and only focuses on themselves!? So why the fuck are you mad just because my brother _supposedly_ beat up that boy!? The way you talk to my brother is fucking funny. Do you thin your that powerful, Yeosang? Do you think you have the rights to shout at him any time you want!? It's too much, Yeosang! You're too much!” Seonghwa shouted angrily.

He wanted to do more than just punch Yeosang. He wanted to rip him into pieces. How dare he stand up to Seonghwa? He is _nothing_ but Seonghwa's possession. He doesn't have the rights to shout at him like that.

“He's your brother?” Yeosang raised a brow in question.

“Yes.” 

Yeosang _laughed_ , a provoking laugh that made Seonghwa _want_ to tackle him and beat him up right then and there. 

“Oh, that explains why this boy is so troublesome. Because he fucking _got it_ from his brother.” Yeosang said, smirking as he stared at Seonghwa.

“Yeosang, you're being fucking rude right now. You fucking changed because of some random _useless_ kid?” Seonghwa fired back. Now it's his time to smirk as he saw how he Yeosang's eyes got even darker. It's fun to see him like this, he can't wait to _ruin_ him.

Yeosang turned to Mingi and held his hand, telling him to not listen to what Seonghwa said. That he is precious and he loves him so much. Mingi nodded and hugged the older who turned his attention back to Seonghwa. 

“You have no rights to call my brother useless.” Yeosang said sharply. Seonghwa can't believe what he heard. Yeosang's brother? When they were together, Yeosang mentioned that he is an only child. Is he playing games with him right now?

“He's _your_ brother?” Seonghwa asked, laughing in disbelief.

“Yes, he is _my_ brother and you have no rights to call him useless, specially in front of me. Because you fucking know nothing about his life and you aren't the one who gives him food and shelter! If you want to keep on acting that you have nothing to do with what happened to my brother, then leave! I can pay for the hospital bills! I don't need help from pretentious people!”

“Just leave and don't you ever come close to my brother ever again! Because if I fucking knew that either one of you are still lurking around him, I will not fucking hesitate to put you to jail! Now leave!” At this point, Yeosang can't stop himself from saying awful things that he never imagined would come out of his mouth. 

It's not him. He would never do such thing considering that he's a law student and lawyers are usually calm while standing their ground. But Yeosang is furious. He can't even deny the fact that Yunho and Seonghwa deserved everything that he have said.

Yeosang was surprised when he saw Seonghwa leave. _Strange_. Why did he left so fast? The Seonghwa that he knows will never let himself be overpower. So _why didn't he fought back until Yeosang breaks?_

“Hyung, are you... okay?” Mingi asked. Yeosang nodded and guided Mingi back to the hospital bed. He gave him a reassuring smile and told him that he will just be at the comfort room. After Yeosang locked the door to Mingi's hospital room, to ensure that no one will come in while he stays at the cr. He wasted no time and entered, locking the door behind him and pressing his back against it. Finally letting out a breath that he didn't even know he was holding.

_Mingi heard Yeosang's pitiful cry then_. His own heart breaking as he wish to the god's out there to let him comfort the older. But he knows that he can't because Yeosang said he needs space. Just like how he needed it two years ago. 

••••••••••••••

“Yunho, why the fuck didn't you tell me that _Kang Yeosang_ is that boy's brother!?” Seonghwa frustratingly yelled at Yunho when they reached the almost empty parking lot of the hospital.

“Hyung, I don't even know who he is. It's the first time I saw him, I swear. Who is he? What do you know about him besides the fact that he is Song Mingi's brother for you to act so affected?” Yunho curiously asked. The last time he saw his brother in rage was three years ago, when his lover left him. _Could it be? Is Kang Yeosang his lover?_

“Nothing. Let's go, I'm gonna drive you home before mom gets mad.” 

“But hyung, who is he really?” Yunho insisted.

“He's not important so let's go.” Seonghwa stated firmly, clearly in no mood for argument. But Yunho is having none of it. He needs to know about _who is this Kang Yeosang_. Why was his brother so affected by _him_?

“Hyung, if you don't tell me who he is, I'm going to tell mom and your dad that you are wasting _almost_ half of our money for your _lovely_ Wooyoung.” _Fuck. Why is Yunho so smart?_ Seonghwa knows he can't say no to that. He sighs in defeat and told Yunho to enter the car first and he'll tell him on the way. 

Before he start driving, he made a quick glance to where they came from, to where Yeosang is. He smirked knowing that he would finally have him again. Yeosang won't ever leave again, not when Seonghwa has _finally_ caught up to him. 

He _will_ make him pay. He will make him regret everything that he did three years ago

He _will_ make Yeosang regret humiliating him in front of Yunho today.

He smiled widely and drove away from the hospital with the only thought in his mind being Yeosang. 

_‘You will be mine again and this time I will never let you go.’_


	16. Chapter 16

“Mingi, is it okay if I leave for a while? I-I'll tell San-hyung to look after you, don't worry.” Yeosang stated as soon as he came out of the bathroom. His eyes are puffy and his hair is messy. There are red lines on his skin, a sign that he have been scratching it for a while. 

Mingi is worried. He wants to know if his brother is okay but judging in his state right now, it wouldn't be a good idea to ask the obvious knowing that Yeosang probably feels _miserable._

Mingi nodded his head and smiled, giving Yeosang his space because he knows that he needs it. Yeosang went to his side to kiss his forehead and then proceeded to go out of the room. Mingi watched his brother's figure disappear with a brokenheart. He prays to whoever may hear him, to make his brother feel better because that's what he deserves.

As soon as Yeosang was out of Mingi's room, he can't help but to cry again. He wants to be there for Mingi, he really do. But everything that happened today was too much for him and his sanity. He can't stay in the room with Mingi for too long because he feels sick in the stomach as if he might throw up anytime. Seeing Mingi in such a state made him blame himself. He broke yet another promise that he made to his mother when she was still alive, that he will never let anyone hurt Mingi too much. 

So seeing him in the same situation as before— _years before they left their father's house_ — Yeosang feels like everything was his fault. If he only did his responsibilities as an older brother and didn't waste a second of apologizing to Mingi then this wouldn't have happened. He wouldn't have to see him in the same situation again. 

Seeing him like that and seeing Seonghwa at the same time made him dizzy. It was too much. He wanted to run. He wanted to hide— _No!_ He _needs_ to hide. He needs to hide and never show up again. Since Seonghwa now knew that Yeosang lives in Seoul, Seonghwa will do anything to have him. To have him and kill him, just like what he have promised to do if he catched him 3 years ago. Because _Park Seonghwa_ is a man of his words. On top of that, he is also _powerful_. Park Seonghwa has all the power in the world to do what he wants, whenever he wants it. 

He needs to escape _immediately._

Fishing out his phone from his pocket, he quickly dialed San's number. The sooner San gets in the hospital, the sooner he will be able to run and hide.

“Hyung, are you free? Like, right now?”

_(I have a meeting scheduled in 2 hours, but I can cancel it for you.)_

“Hyung, No! You don't have to do that–”

_(But I want to, Sangie. Now tell me what happened. You never called me first so whatever happened must be something serious.)_

“Uhm... Mingi is in the hospital right now. He is badly injured. And.... Seonghwa's brother was the one who beat him up with no apparent reason. So I... I need you here to take care of him– _But_ only if you can!”

_(Seonghwa!? Did you meet him? Are you okay?)_

“I-I met him hyung and.... I'm not okay. I need to go somewhere to breathe, I can't stay here for long knowing that Seonghwa may come back anytime. Hyung...I-I'm scared. I need to get out of here, I feel so suffocated... That's why I called you to take care of Mingi.”

_(What the fuck did he do to you!?)_

“Hyung I... I don't want to talk about it. If you really want to know then... Then you can ask Mingi.”

_(Okay, I'm sorry. I'm on my way.)_

Yeosang came back to Mingi's room after the call with San, wanting to spend the remaining time with his brother before he disappear for quite a while. But as he entered the room, the pang of guilt that surged through his heart when he saw the younger's expression makes him lose his composure. He cried again, but this time, in front of Mingi. Mingi who is at a very vulnerable position. Mingi who should be taken care of. He shouldn't be showing this side of him. He's supposed to be brave for Mingi. He's supposed to be the strong one. But Yeosang chose to be _weak_ instead.

Mingi looked at him with broken, apologetic eyes. It breaks Yeosang's heart to see him like this. To see him so hurt yet so guilty that the look in his eyes state that he blames himself for what happened even though it's not his fault.

“Hyung, I-I'm sorry! I don't know what's going on between you and that guy... I-If only I knew then I shouldn't have bothered you. I'm sorry.” The younger's voice cracked so Yeosang quickly made his way beside him. He took Mingi's face on his hands and looked at him directly in the eyes with a smile on his face.

“Listen, Minmin, you didn't do anything wrong. Like you said, you didn't know what's going on between me and that psychopath. So please, don't blame yourself. Don't be sorry. If anyone should feel sorry then it's them. Those assholes should feel sorry for what they've done to you. I'm so fucking mad at them Mingi. I want to fucking snap earlier because how dare they touch you!? I don't even let you be bitten by a fucking insect and yet here they are, fucking doing this thing to you? Who the fuck do they think they are!?” Mingi smiled as he heard what yeosang said. 

His heart swell at the idea that his brother still _loves_ him and _cares_ for him despite the months of turning him away. He'll make it up to Yeosang someday. He brought his hands on top of Yeosang's shaking ones which are still on his cheeks, rubbing comforting circles on top of it.

“Hyung, you do know that I'm used to this, right?” Yeosang's eyes changed from angry to sad and worried. Mingi thought he fucked up. He shouldn't have tell him about that issue.

“Mingi. Even though you're used to it, doesn't mean that you deserved it. You being used to it, doesn't give them the right to beat you up nor touch you let alone degrade you. Because Min, they know nothing about you.” Yeosang spoke firmly. 

“It hurts me, Mingi. It hurts to see you like this. It hurts to see you all bruised up, it hurts to see you lying there while I remain completely unharmed. It makes me feel terrible because I didn't do a damn thing to prevent this from happening to you. I feel so useless. It's like seeing you in the same situation as before and it's so suffocating.”

Yeosang let's his tears flow down his face as he lets go of Mingi. He looked down for he didn't want to see the younger's expression. He's afraid that Mingi might turn him away again because of mentioning his past. However, his thoughts were interrupted when he heard a chuckle coming from Mingi. He quickly looked at him confusedly.

“What?”

“Hyung, first of all, you are not completely unharmed. Have you forgotten how hard that guy punched you that you fell ass first on the floor? Didn't you see the bruise that you have on the side of your lips before you got out of the bathroom?”

“That's not the point!” Yeosang huffed as he turned away from Mingi, lifting a hand to his face to feel the bruise on the side of his lips. He hissed as his hands touched it which made Mingi chuckle again. 

“Hyung, I know you're probably scared and worried about me. But you don't have to feel terrible, we didn't know that it would happen and I also told you that I'm used to it. Besides, it's not you who beat me up.” Mingi smiled again and Yeosang's heart broke. 

_How?_ How can he smile like that despite the bruises on his body and face? It doesn't make Yeosang feel better, infact it made everything worse. He feels so sick. He feels like a failure. He feels like it's his fault. Because why? Why would that random boy beat up Mingi for nothing? But _what if_ Seonghwa told him to? What if he forced him just to get revenge? He have never told Seonghwa about his brothers but he is sure that he knows them beforehand. Because Park Seonghwa is that _powerful_. He'll do everything he can just to get what he wants. So what if he wants to take revenge to Yeosang through his brothers? What if Jongho comes next? What if he won't stop until he have what he wants? Until he have Yeosang. 

“I have to go somewhere and I'll be gone for awhile. Don't look for me, okay? Don't call me or even text me.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Mingi asked confusedly, voice breaking in the middle. It made Yeosang's eyes widened and he look at Mingi in panic.

“No! I just need some time for myself to think about things. Take care of yourself and take care of Jongho for me, okay?” Mingi nodded. Hugging Yeosang's waist and burying his face on the older's chest. 

“B-But I don't want you to go.” Mingi's voice is quiet, unsure and broken, pushing his face further into Yeosang's chest, going as close as possible. The older pat his head to calm him down. 

“Shh, I know, baby. But I need to go. It won't be that long, I promise. You won't even notice that I'm gone, you'll still be living normally while I'm away and the next thing you know, I'm already with you again.” Yeosang assured him as best as he can. He knows that it will be hard for Mingi considering his current situation. However, he really needs to leave because if he didn't, then things will get worse. 

“But hyung, what if–” Mingi didn't have a chance to continue what he was going to say when the door opened, revealing a breathless San. Yeosang is almost thankful that he came to cut off Mingi's statement. 

“ _Oh!_ I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?” San awkwardly asked. Looking back and forth to Yeosang and Mingi, unsure if he should step inside. 

“No. You're right on time. I was just about to leave.” Yeosang answered him with a soft smile on his face while still patting Mingi's head. 

“Oh– Do you want me to–”

“No. Joongie-hyung will arrive in a few minutes to pick me up.” Yeosang lied. He looked at his brother again, caressing his cheeks before putting a kiss on his forehead.

“I'll be quick, Mingi. Take care of yourself and Jjongie, hmm?” Mingi hesitantly nodded and pulled Yeosang for a final hug before pulling away with a broken expression.

“I'm going to go now hyung. Take care of Mingi for me, please?” San nodded. He watched as Yeosang went out of the room, head hung los with tears flowing down his face, the same expression that he saw 3 years ago when he came running to him, asking him for a favor to leave Busan and go to Seoul. To leave everything behind and escape Seonghwa. It made his blood boil. 

_‘Park Seonghwa, I'll make you pay.’_

••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Yeosang ran so fast to get to the parking lot. He knows that he probably look stupid right now, head hung low with fat tears flowing down his face, cheeks red from crying but he couldn't care less. He needs to leave before he shatters into pieces. Today's event was too much for his.poor heart to handle. 

Yeosang broke down in the middle of the parking lot. His knees were too weak to even stand. He just wants to take a good amount of rest. 

“Yeo-Yeo?” A voice called. Yeosang was too tired to look up so he didn't. His vision is flooded with tears. So even if he did looked up, he wouldn't recognize who the person is. 

“Yeo-Yeo, it's Hongjoong. What are you doing here?” 

“H-Hyung?” Yeosang asked, voice cracking. Hongjoong's eyes widened into worry and he immediately got out of his car and rushed to Yeosang's side. Yeosang cringed as he heard his voice. He doesn't even know if it came from his because the voice sounds so foreign. It sounds so broken. 

“What's wrong Yeo? Hongjoong's voice is filled with worry and Yeosang felt more bad. He _doesn't_ deserve Hongjoong. The moment that he saw Seonghwa earlier is the moment that he realized that Hongjoong deserved so much better, unlike him. He's dirty. He have been with Yeonjun, his ex boyfriend's bestfriend. He let him touch him. Despite it being against his own will, he still feels so disgusting thinking about it. Thinking about how he supposedly _cheated_ on Seonghwa makes him hate himself. He hurt Seonghwa's feelings. He doesn't deserve to be happy because he hurt someone else's feelings. 

He's been with San and his friends. All of them being Seonghwa's mutual friends. He's been passed around by them. He's been _touched, fucked and played_ with. Even though all it is against his will, he still feels so dirty. So utterly disgusting. Hongjoong doesn't deserve someone like him. No one deserves to have someone so _broken_.

“I-I want to go...”

“Where?”

_“I don't know.”_

“Yeosang look at me.” Hongjoong ordered but Yeosang just shook his head. Hongjoong sighed and lifted Yeosang's face using his chin softly. 

“Come with me, I'll take you home.” Yeosang's eyes widened and he pushed Hongjoong away. The older's expression changed from worried to pained. Yeosang felt his chest tighten at that. He scrambled to his feet, running away without sparing Hongjoong a glance. 

“Yeo-Yeo! Wait!” Hongjoong yelled, already going inside his care to chase after Yeosang. But the younger already took his car and left. 

“Fuck! Answer the goddamn phone Jongho!”

_(Hello hyung?)_

“It's about time you pick up!”

_(Why? What's wrong?)_

“Go to the hospital near your school and look for Mingi's room. Borrow San's car and follow my phone location.”

_(Why?)_

“Just do it! I'm chasing after Yeosang. He's crying when I saw him then he pushed we away and left. He's not on the right mind right now so we need to follow him and make sure that he's safe.”

 _(Okay, fuck. I'm on my way.)_ Jongho ended that call, leaving Hongjoong to worry about Yeosang. 

_“Please don't do something stupid, Yeosang. I'm afraid that I won't be able to get to you right on time.”_

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“Hyung?” After following Hongjoong for a while, it finally came to a stop. Jongho looked for him for an hour or two before he found the older sitting beside his car, crying his heart out.

“What's wrong? Why did you turn off your location? Why did we stop?”

“I-I... was following him for an hour, he doesn't seem to stop. But... But then a car went in front of me for I don't know how long and the next thing I knew, Yeosang is gone. I fucking lost track of him. And I can't reach his phone because it's... I don't know maybe... Maybe he turned it off so that we can't find him. I-I'm sorry... I'm a detective but I don't know what to do... I just don't know what to do when it comes to Yeosang... I just... Everything is just overwhelming in the scariest way... I-I'm so sorry.” Hongjoong cried out, hugging his knees to his chest and burying his face on his arms. Jongho, hugged him, shushing his cries. 

“It's okay hyung. We'll find him. It's okay–” 

“No it's not! It's _not okay_ Jongho! I lost him! Didn't I told you how we met!? We met when he wanted to take his own life! He was so close to dying back then Jongho! What makes you think that losing track of him for a whole 2 hours made everything okay!? What if tries to take his own life? What if this time he succeeds!? How are you so calm, Jongho!? Yeosang is your brother! Why are you acting as if this isn't a big issue!?” Hongjoong yelled and pushed Jongho away from him. Slapping his hand away when the younger tried to touch him. 

“Are you done?” Jongho asked. The older looked at him in disbelief.

“Hyung, I'm also worried about Yeosang-hyung. He's everything to me. I don't know what I will do if I lost him... But hyung, I need to be tough. I need to be calm. I'm affected but I know that I shouldn't show it because don't you think it's enough that you are panicking? If I show how panicked I was then we will never reach him. We will never find him in time.” Jongho explained and Hongjoong looked more terrified.

“W-What are we going to do, then? I... We stopped looking for him for 2 hours, how can we be sure that h-he... That he's safe?” The cracked on the older's voice makes Jongho's heart hurts so bad. 

“I-I don't know.” Jongho admitted, letting his own tears escape his eyes. Hongjoong started crying again, leaning on Jongho's chest for support. The younger held him tight, giving him the comfort that he badly needed. 

“Hyung! Your phone is ringing!” Hongjoong took his phone out of his pocket, his eyes widening as he saw who the caller was.

“Yeosang! I'm so worried! Where are you, baby?” Hongjoong asked, voice filled with a bit of relief. Now that he knows that Yeosang is alive and... _safe?_ He will do everything to find him and comfort him. 

_“Hyung, I'm sorry.”_


End file.
